Free The Burn by James Kelman Page A

nasty tongue even, in some ways, you had to admit it. Even her own mother said it about her, and that was something surely. And maybe as well, and it was terrible to say,
and it wasnt a criticism at all but just if she maybe just learned to wear better clothes, a wee bit more stylish, if the truth be told, maybe like Jeanette who was called Jinty by people. You
couldnt call Deborah anything like that. She didnt like him calling her Debbie for instance and Debs just sounded stupid
    Edward got to his feet.
    Because it was time to go. It really was time to go. He had all these bloody things to learn before morning came, never mind prepare his head for her, get his head right, get things sorted, get
the things worked out because of
    God, he just didnt know what to do, he didnt, he didnt know what to do. He had no idea. He just had no idea. He was in a terrible state, situation, it wasnt something he didnt know how to get
out, what he could do, and she would be here she would be here, she would be here, she would be here
    Just sit down a minute, the invalid commanded.
    Edward shook his head.
    Just for a minute.
    I cant, I just cant.
    You can.
    I’ve got to go.
    I’ve a need to tell you something. It’s a kind of confession.
    Edward gazed at him.
    I’ve got to talk things out with you.
    But you’ve done that already, have you no?
    No.
    I thought you had.
    Look young fellow talking it out in that certain way I’m meaning
is
a confession; that’s what a confession
is
. And I’ll know when I’ve done it, because you
always do, once you’ve made it you know you’ve made it. Your mind feels easy.
    Edward paused. He was looking to say something. There was something he was to say and he was looking to say it, it was maybe to do with guilt, because he knew about that, a wee bit at least.
Although he was so much younger that didnt mean he didnt, because it was a thing you could feel even as a boy.
    The invalid was waiting to speak.
    Sorry, said Edward.
    The invalid frowned and made a gesture with his hand: You see I’m no able to speak unless you’re willing to listen, you’ve got to be able to hear what I’m saying but
you’re no always willing to do that.
    Yeh but Mister Parker I’m sorry eh it’s just that my fiancée’s due at any minute.
    The invalid glanced at the door, then said, She’ll know where you are, Catherine’ll tell her.
    Will she?
    Aye, she’ll be back soon herself . . . And again the old invalid glanced at the door.
    Edward nodded; he sniffed, breathed in deeply and raised his head, at the same time making a gulping noise like as if his adam’s apple was stuck, then the tears started in his eyes and he
was blinking to keep from crying.
    What’s wrong?
    Jees I’m just in awful trouble Mister Parker, awful trouble.
    Sit down a minute.
    Yeh but I’m just in so much trouble.
    Sit down a minute then. Sit down. Maybe we can share it. Sometimes you share a problem you swop it, and in the swopping it gets lost.
    Edward had his face in his hands.
    Dont get yourself into a state . . . He leaned forwards, grasping Edward’s right shoulder: Edward’s a king’s name by the way, did you know that?
    Edward shook his head.
    Come on, at your age it cant be that bad, it’ll be a personal thing, personal things are easy. Just sit down a minute and tell me what it is. I was going to tell you mine so you can just
tell me yours – see! if you tell me I’ll tell you, that’s what I mean by a swop.
    Edward dragged the cuff of his sleeve across his face, wiping his eyes as he sat down.
    I’ll take on your problem if you’ll take on mine. You hear me out and then I’ll hear you out.
    Yeh but . . . Edward now rubbed quickly at his eyes with the palms of both his hands.
    In that way you see we’ll both have things into the open, we’ll have shared what’s troubling us . . . If I start worrying about your problems you start worrying about mine. You
get it?
    Edward shifted on his chair enough to see the