Free George Washington Zombie Slayer by David Wiles Page A

of the attack was the smoldering burnt circle in the back yard where the day before, nine zombie bodies had been incinerated into ashes.
    “Shall we go back into the barn and continue our interrogation and examination of the creatures?” Washington asked.
    “Aye,” Franklin sighed , thinking of the unpleasant business ahead. “Let us head back to the barn.” A slight rain began to fall, with the sound of distant thunder.
    Upon entering the barn, they saw the same three naked zombies that were chained here since yesterday. Washington and Franklin, with Mr. Kindly, had spent most of the previous afternoon attempting to interrogate the imprisoned creatures with no success. Their uniforms and bodies had been examined with medical precision. They had spent yesterday evening using more “persuasive methods” of interrogation, also with no success.
    The most surprising fact was that these creatures, although animated, appeared to be truly dead, or rather un-dead. They were cold to the touch and had no pulse or heartbeat. Their flesh appeared pale whit e or gray and their blood was black in color and foul smelling in odor.
    The zombies seemed to lack any higher mental functions for language, communications or higher reasoning. They could grunt and groan and growl, but never speak. They could neither ask nor answer any questions. And they seemed to lack any discernible emotion besides anger and the hunger for living flesh.
    To Washington, it was important to find the weaknesses of these zombies. But t he creatures seemed impervious to fire, branding, whipping, cutting, stabbing, name calling, sarcasm, offensive odors, country music, the breaking of limbs and other assorted creative discomforts applied by Mr. Kindly.  They knew as much as they did before, that the only way to kill the creatures was by beheading them.
    Hearing the thunder outside growing louder, Benjamin Franklin had an idea.
    “Let us take one of the creatures outside and chain it to the fence post behind the barn,” Franklin said to Washington and Mr. Kindly. The naked zombie was hurried outside into the rain, quickly chained to the post and Franklin hurried back inside the barn, grabbing some sticks and a piece of sailcloth.
    “Do you have a spool of string? ” Franklin asked, and Mr. Kindly reached into a small cabinet and handed a spool of twine to Franklin. Working with speed and precision, Franklin grabbed some small tacks and nailed the sticks into a diamond shape, and tacked the sailcloth across the front, then tying another strip of knotted cloth to the base.
    “What are you fashioning?” Washington asked.
    “It’s a kite,” Franklin replied. “Remember I was telling you about my research into electricity? Well this is how one calls forth electricity.”
    The thunde r and wind outside were growing ever louder. Franklin tied one end of the twine to the center of his kite, and sifted through his pockets,  soon pulling out a metal key, which he tied to the twine about twelve inches from the tail of the kite.
    Franklin walked towards the door and was quickly followed by Washington and Kindly. Stepping into the rain and wind with his kite, Franklin threw the kite into the air and ran a few steps forward just as a strong gust of wind blew forth and pulled the kite heavenward towards the flashing clouds of the approaching thunderstorm.
    The kite continued its ascent in the strong winds as Franklin held the end of the twine in his hand and walked towards the zombie chained to the fence post.
    Franklin briefly thought about tying the twine about the creature ’s neck or arm, but he wanted the electrocution to be introduced at a more centralized location so as to judge the anatomical effects throughout its entire body. Reaching down, Franklin securely tied the twine to the zombie’s testicles in a tight knot, and then took a several steps back.
    And so was set in motion one of the great scientific experiments in all of American history. The naked