Free Truly Tasteless Jokes Three by Blanche Knott

says, “There really is no justice in this world!” The other old lady says, “What do you mean?”
    The first old lady says, “look at that!
    “When I was 10 years old, I was afraid of it.
    “When I was 20 years old, I was curious about it.
    “When I was 30 years old, I enjoyed it.
    “When I was 40 years old, I asked for it.
    “When I was 50 years old, I paid for it.
    “When I was 60 years old, I prayed for it.
    “When I was 70 years old, I forgot about it.
    “And now that I'm 80, the damn things are growing wild.”
    *
    What's the first thing Eskimo mothers teach their children?
Don't eat yellow snow.
    *
    What did June Cleaver say when she reached menopause?
“Ward, I'm worried about the Beaver.”
    *
    How many JAPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five: four to bitch about it and one to get her boyfriend to do it.
    *
    There was once a salesman who had an outstanding record for selling toothbrushes. His boss, wondering at this unlikely success, sent a man out to follow the salesman on rounds to see what pitch he gave that brought such good results. It was soon found that this particular salesman went to the corner of a busy street and opened up his briefcase, and on one side was the assortment of toothbrushes, and on the other side a bag of potato chips and a small bowl of brownish stuff. He would grab a likely customer and give them the following pitch.
    “Good morning, ma'am, this is a commercial promotion ________brand of chip dip. Would you care to give it a try?” At that point the person would try it, then spit it out and scream in utter disgust, “This tastes like shit!” The salesman would smile and say, “It is. You want to buy a toothbrush?”
    *
    A urologist claimed that he could find any disease just by testing a person's urine. One man, who had tennis elbow, decided to fool the doctor. He made an appointment, received his specimen bottle, and was told to come back the next day. That night he urinated in the bottle, then his wife did, followed by his daughter, and then the family dog. Then he beat off in it. He returned the next day with his sample and gave it to the doctor for testing. Four hours went by before the doctor came out. He was just sweating bullets. “You know,” he said, “it took me a long time, but I think I've finally got it. Your wife has VD, your daughter is pregnant, your dog has mange, and if you'd quit beating off, you wouldn't have tennis elbow.”
    *
    Did you hear about the Texan who was so big that when he died, there wasn't a coffin large enough to hold him?
They gave him an enema and buried him in a shoebox.

Too Tasteless to Be Included in This Book
     
     
     
    Why can't you go to the bathroom at a Beatles concert?
There's no John.
    *
    What's grosser than gross?
Fucking a pregnant lady and the fetus gives you head.
    *
    What's grosser than gross?
Biting into a hot dog and finding veins in it.
    *
    What's grosser than gross?
When you open the refrigerator door and the rump roast farts in your face.
    *
    What's grosser than gross?
Finding a pubic hair in your Bloody Mary.
    *
    Why were the midget and the circus fat lady so deliriously happy when they were married?
She let him try a new wrinkle every night.
    *
    Did you hear about the man who ate his son?
He didn't know his wife was pregnant.
    *
    What do you do with a dead black?
Cut off his lips and use them for suitcase handles.
    *
    A very horny young man goes to the busiest whorehouse in town, goes up to the front desk, and orders a blonde with big tits. Sitting down on the sofa, he sees a bowl of tomatoes on the coffee table, and being pretty hungry, he reaches over and bites into one. Just then his blonde walks in, but at the sight of him she shrieks and runs back up the stairs.
    A bit disconcerted by this performance, the man cancels his order and asks for a redhead with even bigger tits. He's just bitten into a second tomato when a luscious redhead materializes, only to run out of the room with a