Free Nobody's Fool by Barbara Meyers

blond, blue-eyed, charming kid everybody adored in grade school, remember?”
    What Jolie remembered was the way Chip made the other kids, especially the girls, miserable with his mischief at that age, but was always respectful and polite to adults, especially teachers. He’d been a charmer all right.
    “He was in my English class sophomore year and history senior year. I worshipped him from afar, obviously. He never so much as looked at me, especially senior year.”
    Jolie winced. “Sarah if it helps at all—”
    Sarah held up a hand. “No, let me finish. I hated you, because you had Chip. Everyone knew he was crazy about you.”
    This confession session was more painful than Jolie had anticipated.
    “He was crushed when you dumped him, you know.”
    Jolie glanced away from Sarah’s gaze and blinked. The thought had barely occurred to her. How could she have been so unthinking back then? What was wrong with her?
    “You probably don’t remember, but I’d slimmed down quite a bit by our senior year.”
    “I don’t remember. I’m sorry—”
    Sarah waved away her apology. “It doesn’t matter. Chip and I started at the community college that fall. By then, if I do say so myself, I was looking pretty good. So good, in fact, that Chip didn’t realize it was me he was flirting with in class.”
    “Oh, Sarah—”
    Sarah shrugged. “Who could blame him? He’d been with you senior year. Before that I was just the fat blimp people made fun of.”
    A lump lodged itself in Jolie’s throat hearing Sarah talk about herself like that.
    “What I’m trying to tell you is you’re the reason I changed. All the jealousy and the resentment I’d built up, I guess I channeled it into something positive. I wanted to be you.
    “Oh, I don’t mean the shallow, cruel superficial part of you. I mean, the part with the great figure. I wanted Chip to notice me, the way he noticed you and all the girls like you.”
    “But, Sarah, that’s just what’s on the outside.”
    Sarah smiled and nodded. “I know. But I also wanted the confidence that went along with it. I think maybe that’s what I really envied about you.” Jolie almost laughed. Confident? If only she knew. “Besides, looks are all men are interested in at first. That’s what Chip was attracted to.” Her smile faded as she gazed at Jolie. “Still is, actually.”
    “Sarah, I never flirted with Chip. I’m not interested in him. I never was.”
    “I know that, but Chip doesn’t. Please don’t tell him. He still looks in the mirror and sees Brett Favre’s better-looking brother staring back.”
    Jolie giggled at that revelation and Sarah joined her.
    “Do you understand now? Knowing you helped me become a better me. You drove me to take care of myself, to take pride in myself and be confident enough to go after what I wanted. You don’t owe me an apology, Jolie. In a big way, I owe you.
    “I love Chip. He’s a good guy. We’ve got the kids and this house, a pretty good life. I’m happy.”
    Done with her speech Sarah sat back, and at that moment Jolie hated Sarah for having such contentment. What about me? What do I have? What do I want? If only she knew. If only she could figure it out. Ever since her return to Oak Ridge, it seemed like everything was backwards or out of balance somehow.
    She’d come to apologize to Sarah. Who’d have thought Sarah would end up thanking her? When had any good ever come out of anyone being mean to a fellow human being? Yet, according to Sarah, she was the proof such things happened. Caroline Gordon would have a field day analyzing that.
    Jolie had expected to feel bad after apologizing to Sarah. She’d expected Sarah to berate her for her behavior. Somehow Sarah’s gratitude was harder to take.
    “I think I should go.”
    Sarah followed her to the door. “Thanks for the flowers.”
    “You’re welcome. You’re lucky, Sarah. You know who you are. I’d give anything to—” To know who I am. “Never