Free Knowing by Rosalyn McMillan Page A

pulled fresh tissues from the box, offering them to her mother. Jewel’s favorite handkerchief was soaked clear through. Rain clouds darkened the sky. Silvery threads of lightning veined the atmosphere. “The doctors said —”
    “What do they know!” Jewel fired. “They’ve been saying the same thing for months. ‘Mr. Lee’s prognosis for a full recovery is good, Mrs. Lee. Just a few more weeks of physical therapy and his mobility should be back to normal.’ ” Jewel turned her face away. A watershed of fresh tears trailed down her softly lined cheeks.
    Kim slowed her gold Mazda and waited for the red light. Rain streaked the windshield like welts. She had no idea how to reach her mother. Their conversations never lasted more than a few sentences. Whenever problems arose, her father was always there with the right words, the needed hugs to bring Kim out of her angered state. Jewel was seldom irritated or impatient. But she believed in taking her problems to the Lord. Prayer was her answer for everything.
    Clasping her hands tightly upon her lap, Jewel rocked steadily. “I should have never taken him to that place.” Her rocking slowed as she turned her head slightly toward Kim. Her eyes looked up at the bleak sky.
    “Daddy had a stroke, Mama,” said Kim as she changed lanes. She felt a headache coming. “He needed hospitalization. You couldn’t possibly —”
    “You trying to tell me them doctors can heal better than the Lord can?”
    “I didn’t say that.” Kim pushed her foot a little harder on the gas pedal. The speedometer edged up to fifty-five. “It’s just that sometimes the Lord uses the doctors to heal too. God don’t have time for everybody, Mama, He’s busy.”
    Jewel whipped her head to her left, pressing her right elbow on her cocked, right knee. “Seems to me you the one too busy ’round here. You need to take some time away from that job and get down on your knees and pray.” Jewel hmmphed. “Lord knows most of them folks working there ain’t going nowhere but to hell. Can’t you stop worshiping the devil’s money long enough to spend more time with your own father? Care more about money than you do your soul.”
    Kim’s fingers gripped the steering wheel. “Mama, can’t you understand how hard I worked to get this position? It’s not the money —”
    “I’ll take a taxi to visit your father tomorrow,” said Jewel, cutting her off abruptly. “You don’t have to worry about rushing home.” Jewel sat back stiffly. “I want some definite dates in determining his progress. Otherwise, he’s coming back home where he belongs.”
    “Please think about Daddy, Mama. He needs nurses monitoring him twenty-four hours a day. You’re not able to —”
    “Young lady, don’t you begin to tell me what I’m capable of doing. If you were any kind of daughter, you’d offer to take a little time off that job and help me.”
    “How can I help you? I know about numbers, not medicine, Mama.” Kim felt a rush of blood up the back of her neck. “I wish you could try and understand that the best thing we can do for Daddy is —”
    “You’re just selfish. Don’t think about no one but yourself. One of these days you’re gonna need me and your daddy, and you know what? We won’t be there.”
    “Please don’t say that, Mama. I love you and Daddy. You’re all I have.”
    “You don’t need us — just that job. Don’t even want any kids, that’s how selfish you are. Got no time for nobody but Kim. I don’t know how Bill puts up with you. He must have the patience of Job.”
    Bill. Kim needed a night alone with Mr. Bill. A good screwing — now that would take her mind off the problems of her parents. Biting her tongue so as not to lash back at her mother, she prayed silently for mercy to follow her, not just all the days of her life, but Lord, just grant her the calmness to make it through today.
    “How’d your lecture go at Wayne this afternoon?” asked Kim as