Free Knowing by Rosalyn McMillan

lonely as a child. Those feelings turned into rebelliousness later in her life.
    Her father, Ollie, not wanting to rock the boat, never overrode any of his wife’s rules and regulations.
    “Mrs. Lee,” the nurse called out from the front desk. The nurse approached the two women exiting the elevator. “Your husband’s had another visitor this morning.” She smoothed the invisible wrinkles from her uniform. “He’s been asking for his sister-in-law. Her name is on the visitors’ list, so we called her yesterday afternoon. When I came on duty this morning, she had already finished feeding him his breakfast. He hasn’t been too well lately.” Then as an afterthought, she added cheerily, “She brought him a real nice bouquet.”
    “Hard to believe Katherine came all the way here in this kind of weather,” said Jewel, looking at Kim. “It’s been snowing and raining for the last couple of days. She don’t go outside when it’s raining. You know how bad her asthma is getting. Can’t rightly figure it.”
    The nurse left them outside the room, explaining that she would discuss the new treatments the doctor had recommended for Mr. Lee after their visit.
    As Jewel entered the room, she paused to admire Katherine’s lovely flowers perched on the tray next to the hospital bed. Her husband lay sleeping on his side, his back turned toward the window. Kim took her mother by the arm, guiding her slowly toward the bed. Ollie moved slightly at the sound of the old familiar footsteps.
    “Jewel,” he uttered, as he inhaled the sweet fragrance of her rose perfume. Every day of their past fifty-one years of marriage, she’d worn the essence he’d given to her on her eighteenth birthday.
    “I’m here, honey,” said Jewel in a hushed voice. Reaching out to touch his face, she felt the warmth of his skin. She kissed his forehead. “Sweetie. I miss you, sweetie.”
    Kim rubbed the top of her father’s shiny bald head, kissing it tenderly. “Hi, Daddy. You feeling all right today?” He nodded. The faraway look in is eyes belied the assertion. She loved her father dearly and couldn’t bear to see him like this. His sense of humor had helped her through many a night of crying after an angry breakup with a boyfriend. In her teens, she sought out his opinion, allowing his wisdom to guide her through difficult growing pains. She told him her secrets. He never judged, just listened and gave his advice as well as he could.
    “Mama, I’m going outside for a cigarette. I’ll let you two be alone for a while. Be back in a few minutes.” Kim realized the two lovebirds needed time alone before she asked her usual questions. Besides, she couldn’t wait to make a quick exit; the overpowering scent of the carnations and her mother’s excessive rose perfume reminded her of a funeral parlor.
    Jewel patted the back of her husband’s hand. She hated this room. The walls were painted a dull army green. Not a picture or a plaque on them. Just an ancient black and white clock, ticking angrily. Beige, water-stained drapes drooped and sagged, missing several hooks. Outside the metal-encased window, the drizzling rain tapped incessantly against a backdrop of a dull gray Monday-morning sky.
    Jewel took a deep breath and continued quietly. “Honey, we got to get you outta here. You got to do what the doctor says, so you can come home.” His head sank farther back into the pillow. Moving his lips, he tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t surface. He turned his head, looking toward the window at the silvery sprinkles.
    Driving home, Jewel confided to Kim that she thought Ollie wasn’t getting any better. He’d barely spoken five words during the time she was there. For a moment when he stared at her, she was sure he didn’t recognize her. Wiping her eyes with her lace handkerchief, she admitted to Kim that she didn’t know what she’d do if something happened to Ollie.
    “Mama, Daddy’s gonna be just fine,” Kim said softly as she