Free The Shattered Image Series (I Was a Teen Idol) by Kristie Langford

1.        Suddenly
     
    I never thought I would find this type of peace. Even when Mia was alive, there was always chaos somersaulting its way through my mind, like a hyperactive gymnast. Most of the time, she was the one causing it… Being on the Ironic Zero tour bus seems to calm the rampant thoughts, I no longer crave a life that went by faster than a speeding bullet, but it took having to face my demons in order to get here. Now, I can find peace in the rushing scenery, the sound of the boys playing video games in the back and the soft scratch of the pen against the paper in my journal. To think, it only took six years to get here and I’m not even halfway close to healing myself completely, if that will ever happen.  I think it’s time I write down everything that has happened up until now; maybe seeing it all down on paper will help me bury the parts of my life I no longer want to remember. Putting them on paper, will be like cutting them out of my head and locking them into the ink flowing onto the paper here.
     
    It all started six years ago. I was twelve and sitting in the backseat of a car, with my twin sister Mia…
     
    ***
    I took Mia’s hand . I knew I was more nervous than she was. She fed off the attention that came with exciting situations. She held onto my hand, knowing I needed the comfort. I was just glad that she hadn’t pulled away from me.
     
    I looked in the rearview mirror; I could see part of Patricia’s face. She was the current social worker and had the longest record with us, three years. That was until the record label and the adoption. . She had been a haggard looking woman, graying dark blonde hair and blue eyes with heavy bags under them. Someone who had seen too much of the crap in the world and no longer had the dream of saving children who were growing up in dismal conditions.  At the time, she was in her thirties. She no longer had the perky kindness of a twenty something college student, who was out to change the world one poor child at a time.  
     
    That day, she was taking us to callback auditions for a record/talent company. It had all been very hush, hush. The president of the record label said he wanted to do the right thing and adopt a child from a local orphanage; well, that’s what he told the tabloids. No one knew that he was actually auditioning orphans for the spot. In truth, they were looking for the next child that they could mold and shape into a superstar and still have full control over the contracts involved. The president would be their legal guardian and have the power to sign them into a contract that would last until their nineteenth birthday, the age when pop star idols were seen as old and has been. After that, the kid could go find another company, or disappear into the woodwork.
     
    My sister and me went for separate auditions at first. When they realized we were twins, we became a two for one deal. If they wanted to, they could pull the old switcharoo while on stage or at events and no one would notice unless they knew us really well. The callbacks were to see us together, to see if they could market us as a double act.
     
    “Remember, girls, be perky and nice. If you get this you’re set for life.” Patricia looked back at us using the rearview mirror. We both rolled our eyes. I couldn’t speak for Mia then, but I didn’t want the star life. I just wanted a family. I never knew my father or my mother, not really. Supposedly, they raised us until we were three and then CPS got involved and we had been bouncing around foster homes and boarding houses ever since. No one wanted to adopt two three year olds with behavior problems. It was too much work and a newborn was easier to care for.
     
    She pulled into a parking space with a loud screech of her brakes and turned off the engine. She turned and looked back at us and frowned. With haste, she pulled a comb from her ancient leather purse and threw it at Mia. “Both of you brush your hair,