Free Circle of Love by Joan Lowery Nixon

the anger and the hurt to help them remember."
    Boldly Frances asked, "Are you talking about others you know, or are you talking about yourself?"
    "Does it matter?"
    "Yes, it matters."
    Seth was quiet for a moment. Then he said, "I fought in the war. You couldn't understand what it was like."
    "Then help me understand. Tell me what's making you unhappy." Maybe Seth could help her understand Johnny's bitterness.
    "Have you ever seen a Union Army prison camp?" Seth asked. "No. Of course you haven't"
    Frances gasped, but Seth didn't seem to notice. He continued: "Lice and rats and moldy food—what little there was to eat. Not enough blankets to go around in the winter months, not enough clean water to drink during the hot summer. And the hospitals . . . Prisoners who're brought there are in such bad shape they're expected to die." There was a long pause before he whispered, "I wouldn't die. I showed them all. 1 refused to give up."
    "I'm sorry you had to go through such misery," Frances said, now understanding why he had awakened in such a frightened state, what horrible nightmares he must have. Did Johnny have nightmares like that? Seth had been in a Union prison and Johrmy in a Confederate prison, but their complaints

    were the same. And their hatred of their captors was equally strong.
    Frances sucked in her breath. What had she said to Johnny? The same held true for Seth. "Wouldn't you rather forget the unhappiness and get rid of the anger and the hurt?" she asked. "Can't you put the past aside and think about the future instead?"
    "No matter. It's over now," Seth said. "I'm goin' home to Missouri."
    "To your parents?" Frances asked.
    "No. My parents died while I was away. Tve made plans to join my older brothers."
    A strange look came into his eyes, and he turned his head.
    "Do they farm?"
    Startled, Seth looked back at Frances. "Farm?"
    "Your brothers. Are you going to be a visiting preacher, riding from town to town on Sundays and farming during the week? Is that what you plan to do after you join your brothers?"
    He sat back. "Have you seen some of the Missouri farms that were burned out? Crops and livestock stolen? Everything gone?"
    "The land can be reclaimed," Frances said. "Houses can be rebuilt."
    Suddenly shedding his dark mood, Seth seemed to relax. "Let's talk about you. Are you goin' to be a teacher all your life? Or could it be you've got your heart set on bein' a farm wife, risin' before dawn to feed the chickens and hogs?"
    Frances felt her face grow warm. "I—I haven't given my future much thought."
    "Maybe you should," he said. "Maybe there's a far different future out there for you—a much more ex-citin' one."

    "Seth," Frances said, "it's getting late. We both need our sleep."
    Seth smiled. *Then sleep well. Ill see you in the momin\" He rose and silently strode down the aisle.
    Seth and Johnny, Frances thought The same bitterness, the same hatred of those who hurt them, the same inability to let go of the past and move forward. If there had been no war, what wovJd Seth have been like? Would he have laicghed easily? Planned for a joyful future? Hoped to be a good husband and father? Like Johnny? Like the Johnny I once knew?
    Frances tucked her journal away under the seat, then folded her jacket to use as a pillow. She rested her head against the jacket and closed her eyes. There was so much to think about ... so much to do. . . .
    A ciy brought her to her feet, and she struggled down the aisle to where Lizzie and Mary Beth sat The younger girl was upright, fists against her eyes, tears running down her cheeks.
    "Mama!" Lizzie sobbed.
    Frances scooped her up, murmured against the softness of her baby-fine curls, and carried her back to her seat. With her arms wrapped around the baby, who snuggled contentedly against her, Frances fell asleep.
    She dreamed of Johnny. In her dream, he was on a train, traveling farther and farther away from her. She held out her arms and cried out to him to come back, but