Free Loose Ends by Electa Rome Parks

going to sing “Fallin’” by Alicia Keys.
     
     
    My thoughts drifted back to Brice while Sharon gave her full attention to the stage. It’s amazing that we made it through two and a half years of marriage. Brice was a definite control freak, and I was his number one controlee.
     
     
    Looking back, I loved Brice with everything I had—and then some. I was young, naive, and probably had some unrealistic views about love and marriage. I thought my love for Brice could solve all problems, resolve all our conflicts. Unfortunately, our problems were too deep for my love alone. In the bitter end, my heart was broken beyond repair, and a part of me, that part deep, deep down, was forever lost.
     
     
    Brice was like a chameleon. On one hand, he could be so loving, so romantic and devoted to my every need. Yet, at the toss of a coin, his temper, possessiveness and jealousy would overshadow everything else. It was his way or no way. Brice ran our household with an iron grip. His word was law. I tried to deal with it because I loved him. I did what he wanted, when he wanted, where he wanted and how he wanted. In return I received his love. However, that wasn’t enough. It just wasn’t enough. When his paranoia would come into play, I suffered from his beatings.
     
     
    Brice never trusted me around men or women. I admit I used to be a bit of a flirt. Brice felt some man was going to steal me away, and the females, in his opinion, were just bad influences on me. So I didn’t have a life other than with him. For me, that wasn’t enough.
     
     
    If I didn’t do something, anything he wanted, I suffered. If I did something that was a figment of his imagination, I suffered. Either way, I lost. Brice, at one point, totally controlled my existence. That crazy muthafucka would make me strip down out of my underwear so that he could smell my coochie to make sure I hadn’t slept with anyone. He would hit me one moment and, in his next breath, turn around and make the sweetest love to me. It’s amazing how some good loving will make a woman stay around much longer than she should.
     
     
    Throughout history, women have stuck around with the bad boy, the one who shows them no love, no respect, no wining and dining, no nothing. We stick around because we don’t want to give up their boning us. We can get screwed by any man, but we find one who has skills and knows how to fine-tune our body like a violinist tuning his instrument and we don’t want to give him up.
     
     
    Our cycle continued far too long. Some of the shit that man made me do . . . And I did it for him. Don’t get me wrong: When he was good, Brice was very good. I can’t deny that he made me happy. Unfortunately, there were far too many unhappy times. Sad to say, it took my ending up in the hospital after he beat the shit out of me for me to literally see the light.
     
     
    Throughout all of this, there was Christian—my one true light. I had his strong shoulders to lean on. Christian was my sounding board and true friend. It’s true that we have no control over whom we love. The heart doesn’t know. Before I knew it, I was in love with Christian. It’s a different love, but a real love. A true love. A love that has evolved because of circumstances.
     
     
    Brice was a love that I breathed for. Now he was coming back into my life. After five years, I haven’t forgotten him. I still remember his masculine smell, his voice whispering in my ear in the throes of passion. I remember his strong hands touching me in intimate places, his lips caressing my body as he went inside me. I remember how he moved inside me and remember how he made me feel when he looked deep into my eyes as I called out his name over and over.
     
     
    Sharon brought me back to reality with her loud laughter.
     
     
    “Mia, you haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?”
     
     
    “What? I didn’t hear—”
     
     
    “That’s obvious. You are in your own little world over