Free Lost in Love by Susane Colasanti

blanket in my closet. I close the closet door with a satisfying thud.
    Cleaning is up next. My room is disgusting. I open both of my windows all the way to let fresh air in. The hardwood floor peeks out here and there from under the mess. I pick up everything that’s on the floor, sorting into four piles: dirty clothes, garbage, recycling, and other. I drag the old vacuum cleaner my mom gave us from the front closet into my room. Running it a few times over my floor helps tremendously. Then I mop my floor until it shines. I push the mop forward and pull it back in slow, deliberate strokes, visualizing my problems being washed away with every swipe. By the time my mind is clear, the floor looksbetter than it did when we moved in.
    My dirty clothes get added to the hamper. I lug the heavy hamper down to the laundry room and start two loads. Back upstairs, I sit at the breakfast bar to make a grocery list. In my catatonic stupor I can’t guarantee that I didn’t eat some things that did not belong to me. I want to replenish everything that’s missing or we’re almost out of.
    As I’m adding maple syrup to the list, Rosanna comes home from South Beach. She wheels her luggage into the living room.
    â€œHey!” she says when she sees that I am showered, sitting upright, and fully functional. “How are you feeling?”
    â€œBetter. But enough about me. You’re so tan! How was it?”
    â€œAmazing. We had the best time. I could have stayed there forever.”
    â€œTell me everything.”
    Rosanna tells me all about relaxing by the pool, romantic bike rides and sunset beach walks, her new addiction to watermelon juice, and the incredible dinners they had. The more I hear about Donovan, the more I love him. I tear up when she tells me about seeing the ocean for the first time. D made that monumental experience possible.
    â€œHe sounds like the sweetest guy,” I say. “Super generous.”
    Rosanna nods, her eyes sparkling. “He said that Ideserve good things and he wants to be the one to give them to me.”
    â€œAww!”
    â€œWe didn’t want to leave each other when we got back. So you know where he took me?”
    â€œWhere?”
    â€œSoho House.”
    â€œWhat.”
    â€œI know.”
    â€œHe’s a member?”
    â€œYeah, and so are his parents.”
    That is amazing. I’ve lived here my whole life and have never even seen the pool. “Dude. It’s like impossible to get a membership there. Everyone wants to get in.”
    â€œI know!”
    â€œYou’re so lucky.”
    â€œI would feel just as lucky without anything fancy, though. D makes me feel lucky just to be with him.”
    That’s exactly how I felt about Austin. It didn’t matter what we did or where we went. Being with him was the best feeling in the world.
    I hope Rosanna and D don’t disintegrate like we did.
    â€œI’m really happy for you,” I say, and I mean it.
    â€œThanks. I kept wondering how you were doing.”
    â€œToday woke me up. Have you ever gotten to a point in your life where you’ve had enough?”
    â€œYou mean like when I moved to New York to start over?”
    â€œExactly. I kind of had a mental move from the corner of Miserable and Pathetic to Done and Moving On.”
    â€œAwesome. Can I help with anything?”
    â€œNope. Enjoy being home. I have to put clothes in the dryer. Can I throw anything in the wash for you?”
    Rosanna smiles at me.
    â€œWhat?” I ask.
    â€œIt’s good to have you back.”
    â€œIt’s good to be back.”
    By the time I’ve put my clothes in the dryer, added a Spring Fresh fabric softener sheet, and started the machine, I’ve made a resolution. Most people wait until the new year to make resolutions. Not me. I like to make resolutions throughout the year. I resolve to keep myself in the light. This past week was the worst. Trying to