Free Saving Nathaniel by Jillian Brookes-Ward

in her chair, sliding her hands out from under his. 'But you're not sorry, not really...are you?' she sighed. 'You always say you are because it's easy, it's just words. I don't even think you know what it means.'
    'I do. What else can I say to convince you?'
    'Nothing, because you won't mean it. It'll be a waste of words.'
    'So tell me what it is you want and I'll do it.'
    She pressed her fingertips against her brow, creased with frustration. 'You just don't get it, do you? It's not about what I want at all, it's about you taking care of yourself. If anything happens to you while I'm here I'll feel responsible and spend the rest of my life blaming myself because I didn't do anything about it.'
    'You're not responsible for me and if anything does happen to me, it will never be your fault.'
    She folded the paper towel in half and half again, pressing down on the crease. 'Will you at least slow down a bit? Can't you take some time off and rest, just for a while?'
    'I'm done…for the time being.'
    'Until the next job?'
    'There won't be another job like this. They only come around once in a blue moon.'
    'But you wouldn't turn it down, would you?'
    'No I wouldn't...I can't. But I'll be more careful I…' He almost said 'I promise' again, but knew she would never accept it.
    In the study, the telephone began to ring. He let it ring half a dozen times and she watched him as he fidgeted at the sound until he was unable to bear it any longer.
    'I'll have to get that, it might be important and the machine is off.' He leapt to his feet, and almost ran from the room.
    She screwed up the neatly folded piece of kitchen towel and tossed it into the trashcan. 'Don't waste your time, Megs,' she said to the empty room. 'He won't listen. Nothing will change.'
     
    Later that day, after Megan had gone home, giving her solemn word she would return the next day, Nat took some time to go over their conversation.
    She had been upset, but she was right. He hadn't felt well and wasn't sleeping. He had lost weight and was drinking far too much. He agreed he often said things he didn't mean and pledged he would try to take better care of himself. He also decided he would make the effort to be more honest with her. He felt she at least deserved the consideration.
    They reached a compromise and he hoped the argument would soon be forgotten. He had upset her and it troubled him how close he had come to losing her.
    However, things didn't work out quite as he planned. Despite all his good intentions, he was still unable to sleep properly. Gradually his tiredness overtook him, and he became irritated at the slightest thing.
    Megan often fell into the firing line of his temper, but not wanting to resurrect their previous argument, she absorbed it like a sponge. This only served to infuriate him further.
    The atmosphere between them strained, and he took to staying out or shutting himself away to avoid confronting her. The combination of his irritability, insomnia and alcohol soon began to take its toll.
     
     

Chapter 9
     
    Nat craved some peace. A meeting with his bank manager that morning, a business lunch and a spell at the gym had left him drained. Lack of sleep over the previous few nights had not helped and now Megan had decided to vacuum the staircase. The elderly machine was overly noisy and had an uncomfortable pitch that grated on him, adding to his torment. He closed the sturdy oak door to the study, reducing the racket to a low distant drone.
    Cocooned in comfortable quiet he poured himself a stiff measure of Southern Comfort and, glass in hand, settled down in the old armchair. He rooted out the remote control from down the side of the cushion and flicked on the TV. He found a football match, halfway through, no score. He left it playing in the background as he reached down to pick up a book he had casually tossed onto the floor. A folded down corner marked his place. He took a long slug from the glass and began to read.
    Gradually the