Free Nowhere Child by Rachel Abbott Page B

tears dripping from my chin, and I look at her. She runs towards me, the knife in her hand. I stand still, not knowing or caring what’s about to happen. I just stare into her eyes.
    ‘Tasha!’ she screams, dropping the knife and flinging her arms around my shoulders, pulling me to her and holding me so tightly I can hardly breathe. ‘Tasha,’ she repeats, more quietly now. ‘Oh, thank God.’
    Nobody has hugged me like this since the time I was very small and my mum thought she had lost me in Kendals in Manchester. When she found me, I started to cry and she thought it was because I was scared. I wasn’t. She was hurting me.
    But now I like the hurt. I’ve been standing with my arms behind my back, but slowly I bring them round to the front, not sure if it’s okay for me to hug Emma back, but I don’t think she’ll mind. I put my arms round her back, loosely to start with, but as she hugs me so fiercely and cries onto the top of my shorn head, I feel the dam inside me explode as the years of pent-up terror and unhappiness gush through the gaping hole in the walls that have held me together for so long. I start to sob.
    I cling on to Emma for dear life. I want to stay here, wrapped in her arms forever.
    I don’t know how long we stay like that, but gradually the mood changes. Emma’s delight moves to one of deep concern as she realises the depths of my pain, and her hugs become gentler as she stokes my hair and whispers words of comfort against my ear.
    ‘Shh, darling, you’re safe now,’ she says. And for just a moment I believe her.
    *
    I know Emma has contacted the policeman – Tom. I heard her speaking to him on the phone after we had all calmed down and my crying had stopped. I don’t know how long I cried for, but Emma says it was nearly an hour. And she held me the whole time, dragging Ollie towards us so he could join in.
    When she told me she had spoken to Tom, she saw the fear in my eyes and she understood.
    ‘Tasha, you are not in trouble with the police. I promise you. They’ve been looking for you, but only because they were worried about you and they want your help. Tom will explain.’
    I start to cry again. If she was right, two of my reasons for running away no longer counted. Emma didn’t hate me, and the police weren’t going to arrest me.
    We haven’t really talked. She’s just said that now I’m back, I’m home for good – no arguing. I haven’t asked what my dad will think of that, and I don’t really want to see him. I’m not sure how that’s going to work. I want to be with Emma, but I don’t think I can stay with him. She hasn’t phoned him yet – she only called Tom, so I think she must know I don’t want to see him. I don’t want anything to change the feeling that’s in the room right now. It feels like love to me.
    Emma pulls up a chair next to me and grabs my hands.
    ‘Tasha, you need to understand that although I’m not your mum and I know I will never replace her – I wouldn’t even try – I do love you and you’re part of this family with me and Ollie. Okay? Don’t ever, ever, run away from us again. Do you understand?’
    I look at her for a moment, and slowly nod my head. But I don’t understand. Not really.
    It’s as if a light has suddenly been switched on because her eyes open wide.
    ‘I’m so sorry Tasha,’ she says, taking her bottom lip between her teeth. One hand slides up my arms and she cups the back of my neck. In an instant I know what she’s going to say, and when she speaks the words they’re not a shock.
    ‘Your dad died a couple of days after you disappeared.’ Her arm moves round my shoulder and she pulls me a little closer.
    I don’t know what to feel. I remember loving my dad when I was little, but he did a terrible thing – he betrayed me and Mum. I didn’t come back for him, but it suddenly hits me that I’ve got nobody now. Nobody that I really belong to.
    I look at Ollie, so cute, so chubby, and now fatherless. I