Free Improvisation by Karis Walsh

alone.
    “Delicious asparagus,” her dad said in the upbeat tone he always used when he wanted to cheer her up.
    “I found it at the farmers’ market, along with the fresh thyme I used on the potatoes.”
    “You should make this exact meal when we invite your new friend for dinner. What’s her name? Tina?”
    “Why would I invite her over? We’re not dating, Dad.”
    He only smiled at her outburst. “I didn’t say you were. Don’t worry, I’m not expecting her to ask for your hand in marriage. But I’d like to meet the woman who’s going to be living in my apartment. And I’ll bet she’d like a home-cooked meal.”
    Jan dipped a potato in ketchup and popped it in her mouth. She was not inviting Tina to her house and cooking a meal for her. Tina already seemed to see her as someone frumpy and boring, so serving meatloaf as if she were some sort of fifties’ housewife was so not going to happen. She wasn’t about to admit to her dad that she had been imagining Tina here with them. In her home, sharing a meal, complimenting her cooking. Taking her upstairs to bed after they ate. “I’ll see if she wants to meet us for lunch sometime. In a restaurant.”
    “Ah, I see,” her dad said as he served himself another slice of meatloaf. “She must be too pretty to be trusted anywhere near your bedroom.”
    “She’s not…I am not going to have a conversation about women or my bedroom with you.”
    “Fine, I’ll stop teasing.” Her dad smiled, but it faded and his expression turned serious. “But I want to see you dating. Falling in love. So I don’t have to worry about you being alone.”
    Jan took a drink of lemonade, letting the tart, icy liquid cool the sudden heat of emotion she felt spreading through her throat and tear-filled eyes. She carefully set her glass down so it evenly matched up with the ring of condensation it had left on the table. She would not let him guilt her into searching for love before she was ready. “I’ll date once I have the rest of my life in order.”
    “Maybe if you let yourself fall in love, you wouldn’t mind so much when life doesn’t go as planned.”
    Falling in love would only confuse things more. The idea of having a partner, a constant, in her life had its appeal, but it was fantasy. In her experience, love had been as fleeting as home, school, and friends. “I promise I’ll go out more once we’re more settled. But believe me, Tina is not what I need right now.”
    “All right, I’ll drop the subject. For now,” her dad added. “Did I see a pie on the kitchen counter?”
    Jan smiled and gratefully accepted the change in topic. “Strawberry-rhubarb. And ice cream. But you can’t have any if you keep discussing my romantic life.”
    “Like you have one to discuss,” he muttered. “That was a joke, darling daughter,” he said when she glared at him. “I’ll stop now. I’m not going to risk losing dessert privileges.”
     
    *
     
    Tina let her car idle for a moment when she got back to the apartment on Thursday. Jan was sitting on her doorstep, reading a magazine. Another visitor. Already today, her meeting with Peter had gone later than expected because her Uncle Nick had stopped by the nursery to see her. He had caught her in a bear hug so tight and so long lasting, it squeezed the guilt right into her chest, where it now sat like a lump. Tina knew Nick had been very close to his older brother—close enough to name his only son, Peter, after her dad—and she had witnessed his despair at the funeral. But today she had looked at him through an adult’s eyes, not a child’s. Now she could begin to imagine how difficult it had been for him to not only lose a sibling, but also to lose touch with his brother’s family. Like Peter, he had sent cards and occasional gifts to her and her mom, but the distance between them had been too great to overcome. Tina’s mom had never felt comfortable with her husband’s family, and after he died she’d wanted