Free Vanished by E. E. Cooper Page B

closed my eyes. Zach had no idea. I doubted he’d be as understanding if I told him the reason I wanted to insist Beth and Jason weren’t hooking up was because she and I were. He wouldn’t be so likely to pontificate about not being able to control who you fall for then.
    The bell rang. Zach hugged me and I held on tight. He felt like the one thing that still made sense in my life. Something I could count on. I’d been so stupid to risk everything with him.
    â€œHey.” Zach pulled back so he could see my face. I didn’t want to look at him. I just wanted to burrow into his chest. “I’m sorry about all of this.” He kissed me gently. “I wanted to tell you before you heard it from someone else. I know everything about this sucks for you.” He took my bag and steered me inside. “I’m guessing everyone’s going to be talking about it.”
    I wished I could run back to my car and drive home. I wanted to be in my room with the door locked and the blinds down. I felt as if there was too much space around me. I wanted to make the world small and safe and in my control. My skin felt clammy and I couldn’t get a deep breath.
    â€œYou okay?” Zach’s face was too close to mine.
    â€œNot really.” I tapped my index finger to my thumb in beats of six until I started to feel my breath even out. I knew I shouldn’t give in to the tapping. I hadn’t seen a therapist in two years, but I hadn’t forgotten what she’d told me: giving in to the compulsions only makes them worse. That I needed to let the anxiety wash over me and remind myself that I’d be fine. Except it didn’t feel like the anxiety would wash over me; it felt like it would wash me away.
    Zach stopped in front of my locker. “Look, maybe now that the truth is out Beth will come home.”
    One of the things that I love about Zach is that he always believes in the bright side of things. He’s like a bundle of silver linings tied up with a rainbow, carried by cute puppies riding on unicorns. “You’re going to be late for class,” I told him.
    He curled his lip and spoke in one of his character voices. “Darling, you’re worth it. Of all the dames and all the gin joints, I’m glad you walked into mine.”
    â€œWhat’s happening to your lip?” I asked. It sort of looked like his mouth had epilepsy.
    â€œIt’s my Bogart impression. Casablanca . I’m still working on it.” He bent low and offered me his arm. “May I escort you to class?” He saw me hesitate. “C’mon. It’s not going to be that bad.”
    I wanted to believe him. But maybe it was going to be worse.

CHAPTER EIGHT
    As soon as my first class was over I bolted to Britney’s locker. I had to find her. Not only because I was the best friend she had left, and she must need me, but also because I wanted to see her reaction to everything. If Brit called bullshit, then there was a chance none of it was true. And if it was true, she was going to be devastated. We’d either beat the rumors back together or get each other through this betrayal.
    As I wove my way down the halls I could hear people buzzing about the news. Their voices chased me like a hive of angry bees. I wanted to stuff my fingers into my ears so I couldn’t hear anything.
    I rounded the corner, but Britney wasn’t there. Iclenched my teeth together and forced myself to nod to people as they walked past, pretending everything was fine. I paced back and forth in front of her locker. The bell rang. I waited another few seconds, even though I knew she wouldn’t show.
    I slipped into World History class. Our teacher, Mr. Brandt, raised his eyebrow at me as I dropped into my seat. Maybe he could see I was upset, because he mercifully didn’t say anything or ask me for a note. He just continued talking about the English Reformation.
    Melissa turned to look at