her life as possible. Aside from that
afternoon when she’d burst into tears on top of Damien, Sasha had not cried.
She had too much pride. She refused to give her brother the satisfaction of her
tears.
But tears weren’t the only sign of a life broken down into nothing. She
knew that now. Nearly all her joy had been robbed from her. She couldn’t afford
to have a single meal outside her own kitchen which severely narrowed her
opportunities for socializing. When her co-workers asked her out for drinks or
for lunch, she had no choice but to decline. The more she put them off, the
more they stepped away from her until even her work relationship with them was
strained. Sasha had never felt so alone and bereft in her life. So at the mercy
of someone else. Her savings were at zero and her checking account often ran in
the red. She lived from paycheck to paycheck to survive to be miserable another
day.
From the couch, she sighed. The rain sounded against the roof, tapped
on the window panes. Echoed the misery in her heart. She looked at the small
pile of jewelry in the paper bag on the coffee table, at the little television
she had no choice but to sell. It was time to go to the pawn shop and see what
she could get for these things. There was no use in putting it off any longer.
She grabbed her purse and slung it over her shoulder, wrapped the TV
and its cords in a plastic bag, picked up the pile of bills, most of them
overdue, from the counter and folded them, put them in her purse. With the
bills in her purse, the little bag felt almost unbearably heavy, its emotional
weight dragging her toward the floor. She’d never been late on a bill before
her brother came back into her life. Had never been evicted. Had never had to
live so meagerly. At least not since leaving her parents’ home that had been a
horror of cold baloney sandwiches and threadbare clothes since all their money
went toward buying alcohol.
Sasha grabbed the plastic covered television, the bag of jewelry, and
then left the apartment. She stepped out into the rain and trudged through the
grass and mud toward her car. She had things to take care of. There was no one
else in the world to help her. She had to do everything herself.
Chapter Twelve
The keys made an empty, lonely sound as Sasha threw them on the
bookshelf by the front door. She closed the door behind her, sat down on the
couch with a sigh to pull off her riding boots.
She wriggled her toes in the threadbare socks, noticing for the first
time the hole in her favorite pair of SpongeBob SquarePants socks. Her big toe
poked out of the hole, another depressing development in a long litany of
depressing developments. Even my misery had become boring, she thought with a
wry smile.
A knock rattled her front door. Sasha looked toward it, not expecting
anyone at all. No one knew she lived here, no one knew she had moved, although
she wouldn’t put it past her brother to have hunted for her and followed her to
the last place she wanted anyone to see her.
She stiffened, still sitting on the couch and staring at the door.
Whoever it was knocked again, louder this time.
“Sasha, open the door. I know you’re in there.”
Damien?
Sasha shot to her feet in surprise and darted to the door. She opened
it to see her lover standing on the welcome mat, his hair tousled, a worried
look on his face. She’d seen him earlier at the stables where they’d talked
about Heavy Impact and the other proven winners at the stables. She thought
they’d agreed to see each other the next morning. Humiliation at her
impoverished surroundings colored her cheeks. She gripped the doorknob,
refusing to allow him in.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, cursing the tremor in her voice.
“How did you know where to find me?”
“Find you? I didn’t realize you were trying not to be found.” He
brushed her hand aside and pushed his way into the apartment,