Free Uncaged Love Volume 5 by J. J. Knight

make the leaves go down more easily.”
    I stab at the salad. I have learned to separate the taste of food from the nutrition of it. But it’s nice that she thinks of it. “Thank you,” I say.
    She busies herself cooking the strip of meat on a grill inset onto the stovetop. It sizzles and fills the room with the scent of garlic.
    I don’t know what else to say to her. Maybe it’s a mistake to think we can ever have any sort of real relationship. I’m no good at these things anyway. I’ve been alone most of my life. It’s a miracle that Colt managed to somehow get to me.
    Suddenly I miss Zero something fierce. He would have such a good time here. I can totally see him in a lei and grass skirt.
    “This says to keep it rare,” my mother says. “But I’d rather just ask you what you prefer. Too much red in my meat makes me feel ill.”
    I am the same, but I don’t want to admit it. “Rare is fine.”
    She spears the strip of steak and transfers it to a plate. “All right, then.”
    I’m hungry enough that it really doesn’t matter all that much, although when I cut into the still-bloody meat, my stomach turns. I maintain a poker face as I take a bite.
    “Would you like me to take the smoothie up to Colt?” she asks.
    “No, I will do it in a little bit. I’ll wake him.”
    She turns away and tidies up the grill and counter. I’m pretty sure she’s stalling, not wanting to go. I’m not sure what to do. Finally I say, “I could use company.”
    My mother wipes her hands on a dish towel and sits in a chair opposite me. Her expression is both sorrowful and grateful. I remember Colt telling me I was an “open book.” I see that I got this trait from her.
    “So, is Hudson in high school?” I ask.
    “Yes. He is a senior. He will graduate in a few months.” Her expression turns to pride. “He works on one of the docks.”
    “How long — when did you get him back?”
    “Well, I never really lost him. He was raised by my brother and his wife.”
    I jump up from my chair. “I have an uncle?”
    She stands up too. “Three, actually. And four cousins.”
    I sink back down. Family. So much family. “I have had no one,” I say.
    She walks around to me and places her hands carefully on my shoulders. I want to flinch, to twist away. My whole life I have had no one. And I could have had so much.
    “I’m so sorry, Joanna. When I was with your father, I was trying to escape all this family. These overbearing brothers. Parents who wanted to tell me what to do. I didn’t realize they were watching out for me. That they acted the way they did because they cared.”
    “Are your brothers here?”
    “Two of them, yes. One brother is in Maine.” She laughs a little. “He got as far from Hawaii as he could.”
    “Are your parents here?”
    “Yes,” she says. “Although they live on one of the other islands.”
    Grandparents, I think. Another grandma.
    Her hands are still on my shoulders, kneading the muscles. It’s such a familiar thing to do, but she’s a stranger.
    “Do you want to meet them?” she asks.
    I don’t know. It’s so overwhelming. So much family. So many new people.
    She pats my arm. “Perhaps in time.”
    She collects her quilted bag from a counter by the back door. “I’ll get the dishes tomorrow. Goodnight, Joanna.”
    Then she’s gone.
    I force myself to eat a few more bites of the steak. Despite what she said, I scrape the plates and wash everything. Inside the refrigerator is Colt’s smoothie. I’ll take it up to him.
    As I head up the stairs, I still feel dumbfounded.
    Grandparents. Uncles. Aunts. Cousins. A brother. A mother .
    I feel like I’ve flown into another life.

Chapter Sixteen  

    The door to our room squeaks when I open it. Colt startles awake, and his hands move instantly to his belly.
    I push it wide so the light comes through, just enough to see by.
    “I brought dinner,” I say.
    He shifts backward on the bed, using his hands to prop himself up. “Thanks.”