Free The Ghost in Love by Jonathan Carroll

stood there waiting for a response to what she had said. “Uh, yes. Yes, I am.” Her eyes moved from Danielle to Mrs. Schellberger and then back to Danielle.
    Danielle smiled thinly at her snoopy neighbor and then looked down the hall in the direction that the dog had fled. Nodding one last time at German, she went back into her apartment and closed the door.
    â€œWell, excuse
me
for being a good neighbor,” the old woman squawked, and marched away.
    Ben didn’t have far to go to catch the dog. It was sitting on thesidewalk in front of the building. Back to the door, its face was turned up toward the sun.
    â€œHow did you get out here?” Ben asked Pilot, as if he understood.
    Standing nearby, fingers steepled against its chin, the ghost watched. Since coming here, it had constantly wondered when something like this was going to happen. Ben Gould had died. Granted, he was alive again because of that computer glitch, but he
had
died. And so had Danielle Voyles during the operation on her head. So the ghost assumed other people were also walking around on borrowed time.
    â€œBen?” German strode quickly out the door and walked straight through Ling.
    Ben pointed to Danielle’s building. “You saw what happened in there.”
    â€œYes, I did.”
    He nodded, glad at least that she admitted to having seen it. “And what do you think?”
    â€œYou need help, Ben. I don’t know what
kind
, because this stuff is way, way beyond me. I don’t know what else to say except you frighten me.
    â€œI don’t know what’s happening with you, but whatever it is has ruined us. If it’s getting worse now, then you can’t ask me to be here. You can’t ask me to be in your life.
    â€œI still love you and you know that. I
never
wanted to leave. I wanted you and me to be forever. But too bad: we’re here now and here is impossible. No.” She waved her hand in front of her face. “I can’t do this. I love you, but I have to go. If you love me, too, you can’t ask me to do this.” With that, she strode away without looking back at any of them—the man, the dog, or the ghost.

FOUR
    When German called Ben’s apartment
an hour later, no one answered the phone. No one answered when she called again one, two, and then three hours later.
    Guilt, worry, and love gnawed on her heart. For so long she had puzzled and then agonized over what was going wrong with their relationship. But today, on finally learning the cause of all the trouble, her first reaction had been to run away.
    Now when someone knocked on her door she rushed to answer it, hoping it would be Ben. Instead it was one of her landlords from upstairs reporting that garbage pickup day had been changed. As usual, the old woman wanted to hang around and chat. But German was in no mood for that and got rid of her quickly.
    The shabby basement apartment did not help improve her frame of mind. In this time of doubt and confusion the place felt even smaller, darker, and unfriendlier than usual. Some homes are the perfect friend, womb, safe harbor, or hiding place when one is needed. Others are nothing more than spaces to sleep, eat, and store your belongings. The last and worst kind of dwelling doesn’t even deserve to be called home because it offers nothing: no comfort, rest, or shelter.You get the feeling that if it were a person, it would not only resent your presence but would also turn you in to the authorities if you were in trouble. Bad moods darken in these places; despair grows like bacteria.
    While pacing back and forth across the floor, German knew she had to get out of that dank cave right away. She would go over to Ben’s apartment and apologize about before. All of it had been just too much; I couldn’t cope. I’m better now, so let’s talk some more about it.
    But it turned out he wasn’t home and neither was Pilot. When German moved out of his