Free Off Limits by Kelly Jamieson Page A

known this would be awkward, explaining to everyone why Jon had disappeared on Christmas morning. I sighed. “I really don’t want to talk about it.” I squeezed Christopher’s warm, solid body a little tighter. “But it’s for the best.”
    I snuck a peek at Andrew. I don’t know why. I just couldn’t help it. He was leaning against the counter, looking all big and gorgeous, dark scruffon his jaw, his beautiful dark eyes on me. Our eyes met and I looked away, but I saw he was trying to keep his face expressionless.
    Last night after everyone else had gone to bed, Jon and I had talked.
    I was disappointed in him, if I was being completely honest. And when I told him that, he’d seemed hurt, which made me feel like a total bitch. “You wanted to come home with me for Christmas,”I said to him. “But now that you’re here, I feel like you don’t really want to be.”
    “I do.” He met my eyes. “I really care about you, Jenna.”
    “But you didn’t want to get to know my friends and my brothers. You didn’t want to try skating. You didn’t come to church.”
    “Those things just aren’t for me.”
    “But they are for
me.
And if we don’t try new things for each other and spend time gettingto know the other people in our lives who are important to us, then I don’t know if we really have any kind of future together.”
    Then Jon had wanted to know if this had something to do with Andrew.
    “Of course not.” I stared at him. “Why would you say that?”
    “Because of the way you two look at each other. The way you act around each other.”
    “What?”
    “You have feelings for that guy. And he definitelyhas them for you. He’s wanted to punch me ever since we got here.”
    “That’s ridiculous!” I’d wanted to tell him he had nothing to be jealous of, that there was nothing between Andrew and me except sibling-like affection.
    But I couldn’t lie to him.
    I was so confused.
    In the end, maybe what happened between Jon and me
was
influenced by Andrew. Maybe I’d been disappointed in Jon because he didn’tmeasure up to Andrew, like every other guy I’d dated. Maybe there wasn’t really anything wrong with Jon, and I questioned whether when we were back in New York I’d see him in the same light as before, without Andrew’s powerful presence impacting us. Maybe I shouldn’t break up with him.
    But in my heart, I knew I was never going to have those kinds of feelings for Jon.
    He hadn’t been angry. Hadn’tyelled or argued with me. We’d talked a bit more and agreed it would be less awkward for everyone if he left that night. It was only a couple of hours’ drive. I told him I’d figure out a way to get back to New York on the twenty-seventh, take the train or something. He’d left, looking hurt and sad, and I felt terrible.
    Especially because even though I was confused about my feelings for Andrew,I knew that he and I would never have a future together either.
    —
    When I was fourteen, Andrew came to live with us. I’d worshipped him forever. He was my big brother’s best friend, handsome and funny and nice to me, nicer than Connor anyway. He and Connor played hockey together. Andrew’s older brother died when I was twelve and Andrew was fourteen. His brother had contracted meningitis, gotvery sick, and died. It had been shocking and horrifying to the entire community.
    His parents hadn’t dealt well with the loss of their older son. They’d both started drinking a lot, blaming each other instead of being there for each other, and basically ignoring Andrew. He’d become quiet and withdrawn during that time and had started hanging out at our place a lot more. How many times I had triedto break through that sadness with some kind of stupid joke, or by making him brownies (even though I, like my mother, hated baking). My heart had ached for him, and I knew Mom and Dad had felt the same.
    I’d overheard a late-night conversation they’d once had in the kitchen, talking about