Free Long After (Sometimes Never) by Cheryl McIntyre

topic the entire ten minutes it took for him to get it down.
    But I knew as soon as he walked away and I turned back to the pool I was in trouble. Loden’s gaze was locked on me, dark with fury. He dove underwater and swam several more laps, l etting the natatorium clear out before he approached me.
    And now, here I am, trapped against the painted tiled walls, his hot breath in my face.
    “I saw you,” he seethes. “You know how that makes me feel.” His eyes narrow, brows puckered.
    “I’m sorry,” I whisper, not because I did anything wrong, but because I know it’s what he wants to hear.
    Loden smiles, placated, and releases me. He dips his head, running his tongue up my throat. He skims his nose along my jaw and then he’s kissing me, rough and urgent.
    I hear a door open and I use that moment to pull away from him. A couple of guys from his team nod at us as they pass. Loden waits until they’re gone before he speaks again. “You have to stop doing this to me. I don’t like feeling like this.”
    Neither do I .
    I nod stiffly.
    He sighs, taking my hand, and leading me toward the locker room. “I don’t know how I’m going to last the summer away from you. I’m going to go crazy thinking about you here by yourself.” His eyes blaze as some thought—probably me flirting with his entire team—flashes through his mind. His hand squeezes mine.
    I don’t know if I want to do this anymore.
     
     
    ~*~
     
     
    When Loden called me to tell me he made it home safely, I told him I needed a break. Time to think. Just while he’s gone for the summer.
    He wasn’t happy—in fact, he was downright pissed. More so because there was nothing he could do about it, which is exactly why I chose that moment. He had an early flight the next morning with his parents—vacationing with family on the other side of the country where he’ll be for the next three months.
    I know I didn’t handle the situation in the best way possible, but I need time to think. I know Loden can give me everything I want out of life. I see such a bright and promising future, but his jealousy is smothering.
    It’s comforting to know he cares so deeply for me. It is. And maybe that’s why I’m having a hard time with it. Nobody’s ever cared enough to be jealous. As nice as it is to know he feels so strongly, his physical reaction scares me. He’s never really hurt me, but he hovers this very fine line. Maybe this is the reason I shot down all his requests to have sex, insisting we take it slow. Something about Loden is unnerving.
    I just need some time.
    Maybe I’m overreacting.
    I don’t know.
    The first thing I do on the first day of my new freedom is go see Chase. Park and Guy have both moved out of the dorms and it’s so strange to be coming here without them. I knock and for some reason, my stomach churns nervously as I wait.
    I shake my head. I know exactly why I’m nervous. I’ve barely spoken to him in the past six months. Loden pretty much forbade me, and I understood his concern, so I complied, keeping my distance.
    But Loden’s not here.
    The door opens and a guy—Chris, I think—holds it wide.
    “Is Chase here?” I ask as I slide past him.
    “In his room,” he says. I thank him and hurry to Chase’s bedroom before I change my mind.
    “He isn’t going to hear you over his music,” Chris calls as I raise my hand to knock. My brows furrow in confusion. I don’t hear any music. Ch ris gestures to his ears. “Headphones. Just go in. He’s alone.”
    I turn back to the door and stare at it, unsure. Maybe I should just leave. It’s been so long…But I kind of miss him. I take a breath, holding it as I turn the handle slowly with resolve , and peek into his dimly lit room.
    He’s stretched out on his bed, his long legs crossed at the ankles, his feet bare. One arm is resting under his head, pulling his shirt up a few inches onto his tight stomach where his bass is perched, the fingers of his other hand plucking