Free Gilbert and Louis Rule the Universe: First Impressions by Rebecca Heller

today at lunch they are talking about some girl in pink sunglasses and laughing and laughing, and I am all, “what are you talking about?” and they say, “it’s not that funny, you just had to be there.” I know I had to be there. But I couldn’t be. It’s like all of a sudden they have all these inside jokes and references that I don’t know. I am supposed to be the one with the inside jokes and the center of attention. I am starting to freak out!
    I suppose I shouldn’t feel too bad about my friends, at least they are sort of trying to include me. The Fab Five are not as kind. At lunch, I see Hannah walk up to the table where she normally sits with Emma, Sophie, Olivia and Chloe. As soon as Hannah sits down the other girls all pick up their trays, get up, and walk over to the grass and sit back down to finish their lunch. I don’t think Hannah even knows why. Rumor is that it all started because Hannah didn’t text Emma back with the homework assignment last night. That got Emma spinning and soon she was telling all the other girls that Hannah thinks she is smarter than the rest of them. So today they are all pissed off at her.
    Ridiculous, right? So I guess things can always be worse.
    On Tuesday, Gilbert and I get two giant chocolate chip cookies during Nutrition and are heading over to the girls when Jason walks up and stops us.
    “Hey.”
    “Hey,” we say back.
    “Ashley is having a party on Saturday if you want to come.”
    “Ashley Elston ?” I ask. Ashley is in eighth grade. There is no way she was inviting two seventh grade girls to her party.
    “Yeah, I asked if I could invite you two and she said I could, but you guys couldn’t tell anyone else.”
    This is like the coolest thing ever. I mean, seventh grade parties still involve pin the tail on the donkey, but eighth graders are already having dance parties where the boys actually dance.
    “I am not sure if I can, I am still grounded,” I tell Jason. I can feel the tears coming to my eyes so I pretend to yawn.
    “Can I still come?” Gilbert asks.
    “Totally,” Jason says. He sees one of his friends “Hey, Jon wait up,” he yells. “See you later.” Jason heads off.
    I sit there shocked. I can’t believe Gilbert. After all that friend stuff she got on me about.
    “That sounds fun, huh?” Alex says.
    Does she not understand? If I can’t go, no one else is allowed to have fun. If I am grounded, everything should stop. How can the world possibly go on without me? I feel nauseous. I am pissed at Alex for not being so bummed for me. I am mad at myself for making this all about me, again, but, argh , how can all these great things happen I am not allowed to be a part of them? I am so angry and frustrated all I can do is get up and walk away.
    I stop in the bathroom to cool down. I sit down in a stall and try to breathe. Tears are stinging my eyes. “Don’t be selfish, don’t make this all about you,” I try telling myself. I play out the super fun party in my mind. Everyone, including Alex, is having a great time, but not me. I am home reading a book because I can’t even watch TV. I can’t help it, the tears come out. By the time I get my act together the late bell has already rung. I am going to be tardy. I hate my life.
     
    *   *   *
    That night, I am having my weekly dinner with my dad. I sit with my head down twirling my fork in my pesto pasta. I am the picture of the angsty teenager. A role I don’t usually like to play, but this is war. I haven’t made it easy on my parents with this whole grounding thing. I have been pretty sullen, pissy , and generally tough to be around for the past four weeks.
    “I have been emailing with your teachers,” my dad says, trying to make conversation.
    “Yeah,” I say, not really listening.
    “It seems like you have improved all of your grades.”
    I look up as he continues. “And your mother and I agree that you have been punished long enough.”
    “Really?” I am thrilled.