Free I Hear Voices by Gail Koger

the assholes in?”
    “Yep, they handed Sheriff Joe a flash drive loaded with enough evidence to put the entire gang behind bars for the next four hundred years.”
    “How did they find out about you, Angel?”
    “One-Eyed Jack’s bitch had a change of heart,”
    I answered, zigzagging around two slow moving semi-trucks.
    “She’s dead?”
    “Oh yeah, they’re still finding pieces of her.”
    “You wouldn’t be in this mess if you stayed where I put you.”
    “News flash, I’m not your trained hunting dog and I’m not letting you walk away with all the treasure.”
    “I’ll give you ten percent of the gold.”
    “Why that is mighty generous of you but I have to pass.”
    One-Eyed Jack roared up to the shattered driver’s window and waved a . Magnum, Dirty Harry special at me. “Pull over, bitch.”
    I shouted back, “You need a big gun to make up for your little dick, asshole?”
    He cranked off a round.
    I shrieked and flinched. To my utter amazement, the bullet hit the door frame, ricocheted off the metal and struck One-Eyed Jack in the shoulder.
    His Hog careened wildly and crashed into the freeway wall. One-Eyed tumbled head over heels and was hit by the old lady in the Cadillac.
    “Ouch! That had to hurt.”
    Derek bellowed, “Do you have a death wish?”
    “Stop yelling at me. I’ve got the headache from hell, every inch of my body hurts and I really need some chocolate,” I ended on a wail.
    “I’ll buy you a fucking box of chocolate every fucking day; just don’t get dead on me.”
    “Okay, but it’s gotta be Godiva.” Veering around a freaked out teenager in a Camaro, I heard a loud bang and the Hummer fishtailed wildly. “Oh God! Oh God!”
    A big bear of a man with a bushy beard filled my side view mirror. I broke out in a cold sweat as Pirate John raised his shotgun and shot out my left rear tire.
    The Hummer swerved violently from lane to lane. White knuckling the steering wheel, I fought desperately for control.
    Horns blared, tires squealed and a series of loud crashes sounded behind me. I shot a quick glance at the rearview mirror. Freaked out motorists were crashing right and left as they tried to evade the gun wielding bikers.
    Sparks flew like fireworks on the Fourth of July as the Hummer’s back tires shredded and the rims ground against the asphalt.
    “Hold on. The police are three minutes out,”
    Sloan growled.
    “I’ll be dead by then.” The Hummer skidded left, struck the guardrail, bounced back and went into a spin.
    “Turn into the skid,” Derek commanded.
    I instinctively obeyed, hit guardrail again and flipped the Hummer. Metal shrieked like fingernails down a blackboard as the Hummer slid sideways
    down the emergency lane and came to a stop next to a yield sign.
    “Turn into the skid, he says. Great advice, if you wanna crash,” I grumbled and released the seatbelt. I fell against passenger’s side door and lay there for a moment as my head spun dizzily. God, I’d kill for some Advil.
    The driver’s airbag deployed with a loud bang.
    My eyes popped open in horror and I quickly threw my arms up in front of my face. Bam! The passenger side airbag deployed and white powder filled the air. “Sonvabitch, that stings!” I rubbed my burning arms and hacked up a lung. That stuff was awful.
    The roar of Hogs had me scrambling for my bag. “Granny?”
    She popped in wearing a police uniform. “I’ve taken out three of the perps.”
    “Four down, four to go.” I pulled out a stun gun and a smoke bomb out of my backup bag.
    Pirate John called, “I know you’re in there, pumpkin.” His hairy paw reached through the shattered window.
    I nailed him with the stun gun.
    His loud shrieks were music to my ears. “How’d you like that, pumpkin?”
    “Smoke bomb now,” Granny Annabel cried.
    Lobbing the smoke bomb out the driver’s window, I quickly crawled out of the rear window and ran like hell. Okay, it was more of a totter.
    Those blasted black dots were