Free Dendera by Yuya Sato Page A

of the reasonable, levelheaded ones.
    “The word in Dendera is that you were actually looking forward to Climbing the Mountain, Ms. Kayu. That you wanted to go to Paradise. Would that be the reason for your anger, perhaps?” Kyu was walking right beside Kayu Saitoh now. “I do believe that you are the only one who thinks this way.”
    “Yes, well,” Kayu Saitoh said, breaking her silence in spite of herself, “that’s what gives you a reason to live, isn’t it? You wouldn’t want to live on if you believed in Paradise.”
    “Actually, speaking for myself, I do believe in Paradise,” Kyu said.
    “What? Really?” Kayu Saitoh’s tone betrayed her surprise.
    “Sure. Your body may disappear, but what happens to your thoughts and memories? Where do they go? Where do they fly to? I can’t imagine they hang around here on the ground, can you?”
    “So you’re saying we fly away to Paradise?” Kayu Saitoh asked.
    “Well, yes. Paradise is the name given to the place to where the memories of the dead travel. That’s what I believe, anyway.”
    “Kyu. Answer me this then. If you believe in Paradise, why didn’t you accept your death?” Kayu Saitoh said, her tone now uncomprehending, more than angry. “I heard that you somehow survived for three whole years on your own in the Mountain.”
    “Why didn’t I accept my death?” Kyu said. “Why, because I didn’t want to go to Paradise, of course.”
    “Even though you believe in it …”
    “I survived by eating worms and weeds, Ms. Kayu, worms and weeds. It was a … harsh time. My face went black from sunburn, as you can see, and I lost all my teeth. Why do you think I put up with all this? Because it’s better than having to go to Paradise, of course. That’s what I think, anyway. You’re in pain? Suffering? Fine, you’re still alive, that’s what matters, that’s what’s important. When you’re alive you can walk, like we are now, or talk, like we are now.”
    Kyu laughed loudly, and as she did her mouth opened out into a gummy, toothless grin. Presumably malnutrition had claimed whatever of her teeth she still had on the day she entered the Mountain. Then Kyu’s face turned serious again, and she solemnly whispered that not being able to speak anymore was the thing she feared most of all. Kayu Saitoh realized that Kyu was talking about her friend Sasaka Yagi. Kayu Saitoh recalled how close the two women had been and remembered the day Sasaka had Climbed the Mountain, how Kyu, younger than Sasaka and left behind, had bawled her eyes out right in front of the whole sending-off party, even though such a thing was considered unseemly on what was supposed to be a joyous occasion.
    The memory was not enough to make Kayu Saitoh’s next words any more sympathetic, however. “Well, Sasaka’s not going to Paradise now, is she?” Kayu Saitoh blurted out. “She had her chance to Climb the Mountain, but she ran away from her fate, and now she’s been killed by a bear.”
    “Ms. Kayu, why must you always be like that? So harsh and unyielding?” Kyu asked, still walking beside Kayu. “You know, when I first discovered Dendera, I was overjoyed, truly I was. I would be able to live with everyone again, and damn the Village and its rules. Don’t you feel like that at all, Ms. Kayu? Not even a little bit? Weren’t you happy when you discovered that the people you thought were dead were actually still alive? Didn’t you feel any joy ?”
    Kayu Saitoh was a human being, of course, and the truth was that she couldn’t deny that she had felt something like that. When she first saw Makura again, or Mei, she had been almost overcome with feelings of nostalgia, of memories of good times past, and Kayu Saitoh supposed that these feelings could be called happiness or joy, if you had to put a name to them. No, it wasn’t that Kayu Saitoh didn’t feel happy. Rather, it was that her other feelings—disappointment at not reaching Paradise and anger toward the