Free Lazy Days by Erlend Loe Page A

if you’re hungry.
    No.
    German.
    Why am I in hospital?
    Shall we leave that for later?
    No.
    Alright. You… had a turn.
    What kind of a turn?
    We had to force the bathroom door open.
    I see.
    You were lying on the floor with your pants round your knees.
    Right.
    My toothbrush was soiled with one of your… body fluids.
    Was it?
    Yes.
    Sorry about that.
    Yes.
    I apologise.
    Yes.
    I’ll buy you a new toothbrush.
    Don’t worry about it.
    A new head at any rate.
    Fine.
    I’ll do it today.
    Thanks. Looked like you had been through the works.
    It began with theatre.
    Yes, I saw that.
    Did you read it?
    Yes.
    Was it theatre?
    To start with.
    And then it stopped being theatre?
    You could say that. The doctor says you had a minor stroke.
    A stroke?
    Yes. A transient ischaemic attack.
    Thank you, I know what a TIA is.
    The doctor says it can happen to anyone under great stress.
    OK.
    You seem to be alright again now though. You can come home. But the doctor says you should stop smoking.
    No.
    Yes, that’s what he says.
    You shouldn’t listen to doctors.
    Of course not.
    I’m quite proud of the fact that I had a TIA.
    Are you?
    TIA is theatre.
    Mhmm.

Nina?
    Yes.
    Come over here. I’ve got a surprise for you.
    Have you?
    Here you are.
    What is it? Oh, a new toothbrush head.
    Five of them actually.
    So I see. Thanks a lot.
    The least I could do.
    Correct.
    Do you think you’ll be able to put what happened behind you?
    Yes, I think so.
    Good.
    Were you thinking about her?
    About whom?
    Nigella.
    I might have been. But it was theatre in a way. At least for quite a time. I wasn’t myself. I was playing a role. That’s what you do in theatre. You play roles.
    I think you were yourself.
    Do you?
    Yes.
    OK.

What’s this watch doing on my bedside table?
    Which watch?
    This Nazi watch.
    I don’t know.
    Oh. It’s not a present from you to me?
    No.
    OK.
    Why do you call it a Nazi watch?
    Because it’s very accurate and also the style’s a bit fancy.
    I see.
    But what’s it doing here?
    Perhaps it’s Bader’s.
    Bader’s?
    Maybe.
    Are you trying to say that Bader’s personal belongings are on my bedside table?
    That’s how it would seem.
    How come?
    Goodness knows.
    Has he been in here?
    I think he said something about checking the central heating boiler.
    But that’s in the cellar.
    Yes.
    And, not only that, it’s summer.
    You’re right.
    This doesn’t make sense.
    No.
    Have you got anything to tell me?
    Yes and no.

WHAT! Have you been to bed with Bader?
    I suppose so.
    Behind my back?
    It was difficult to do it in any other way.
    How incredibly brazen of you.
    Do you think so?
    Yes, I do.
    Right.
    Doing it is bad enough in the first place, but to do it with that blockhead Bader is really outrageous.
    I can understand how you feel.
    And you did it here?
    Mostly.
    Mostly? For crying out loud! Several times?
    One thing led to another.
    How many times?
    I don’t know.
    How many?
    Maybe seven.
    Seven times?
    Or maybe closer to a dozen. Or could be a bit more than that.
    Are we talking a couple of dozen?
    I think we are.
    Bloody hell, Nina, I’ll never get over you sleeping with Bader.
    No. Just take the time you need.
    But Bader? That dirty old bugger?
    He’s not much older than us.
    Yes, he is.
    Suppose so. But age is not so important when it comes to the crunch.
    What is important then?
    I don’t know. We… Bader and I… speak the same language.
    The same shit language!
    Now, now, Telemann.
    Nazi language!
    Now, now.

What are you thinking about, Telemann?
    What I’m thinking?
    Yes.
    I’m thinking you should go to hell.
    I can see you’re hurt.
    Hurt? Go to hell!
    It’s not possible.
    It’s not possible?
    No.
    Because?
    Because hell doesn’t exist. It’s just a word.
    I don’t want to see you. That’s what it means.
    OK. Never again? Or just for a while? Or what?
    Have you finished with Bader?
    Maybe not quite.
    WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
    I don’t know.
    WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
    I’ll have to