Free INK: Abstraction by Bella Roccaforte Page A

I’d give her a sponge bath.”
    Carl and Dad both look
at McNab like he’s lost his mind. “What?” Dad asks.
    “True story.”
McNab folds his hands behind his head and kicks back in the chair.
I’m finding this exchange amusing.
    Dad inhales a breath,
unsure how to proceed. He glances in McNab’s direction a few
times as if to be sure he heard him right. Eli’s irritated and
Carl’s confused. After surveying the room, Dad starts.
“Sweetheart, I need to ask you a few questions.”
    There’s no way
I’m ready to talk about any of what happened. I’m doing
my best to not think about it. I cower deeper into Eli. Dad puts his
hand on my arm and I jump a little. He has a great pain in his eyes
when he continues. “Would you feel more comfortable if it were
just us?”
    I shake my head, since
I know what he’s about to ask. I’d rather he just get to
it. He nods, pulling his lips into a thin line. “Before you’re
able to get cleaned up, is there anything we need to know?”
    He’s about as
subtle as a nuclear bomb. I shake my head, telling him no. He doesn’t
seem satisfied with my answer and continues. “Were you…do
we need to…” He just can’t bring himself to ask if
I was raped. I wasn’t, there’s no need for a rape kit.
    “No Harry, she’s
okay,” Carl answers. We all breathe a collective sigh of relief
that we don’t need to continue to discuss it and I don’t
need an examination.
    “Okay, the nurse
is going to come in and clean you up. McNab, Carl, I’m sure
she’ll appreciate it if we wait in the hall.” He eyes Eli
and I shake my head, letting him know I’m not letting go. I
wish they would just let me shower rather than having some stranger
touching me. Those words echo in my head that someone’s going
to be touching me and it sets off sheer panic. Eli looks down at me
when my body goes rigid.
    The nurse comes into
the room with a basin, towels and a fresh gown. “Okay, are we
ready?”
    “Actually, would
she be able to take a shower?” Carl asks.
    She looks at me a
moment. “If you’re feeling up to it I don’t see why
not. We have a shower chair in there. I’ll need to stay here to
be sure you are okay.”
    I nod with thankful
eyes then look up to Eli, hoping he knows what I need. “Do you
want me to help you get in there?”
    At some point I know
I’m going to have to speak, but I just don’t have any
words yet. I nod again and he helps me up and into the bathroom. He
turns on the shower and helps me out of the hospital gown I’m
wearing, averting his eyes. He’s always a gentleman. I don’t
have any panties on, I’m sure they went into the evidence bag
with the rest of my clothes.
    Eli helps me step into
the shower and sits me down on the chair. The water pours over me and
stings as it flows over the all of the cuts. Looking away from me, he
hands me the soap and wash cloth. I take them but can’t will
myself to move. I drop the soap on the floor and just look at it as
though it’s a thousand miles away. Eli turns when he hears it
fall and picks it up. He tries to hand it to me. I don’t take
it. I just look at him, pleading.
    “Do you need me
to help you?” he asks quietly. I nod in response. His kind
hands pour over me, taking care. He’s cautious, always watching
me for a reaction to be sure he’s not doing anything to upset
me. I can’t move. I’m sitting silent letting him clean
me, hoping and praying he can wash away so much more than the dirt
and grime.
    My body relaxes into
the comfort of not being tied up, of starting to feel clean again. I
don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve showered,
but it's been way too long. Even though they apparently cleaned me up
when I came in, I'm still covered in grime. I start to believe I’m
home, really home, but there’s a nagging worry that I’m
going to wake up and find that this is just a dream.
    The reality of
everything that has happened comes crashing down on me all at once.
My eyes fill with