Free INK: Abstraction by Bella Roccaforte

reconcile that I’m safe, that I’m not being cut
again. That I’m with Eli, and I chant over and over in my mind, you’re safe.
    She gets the I.V. in
and tapes it up. There is sorrow in her gaze at seeing my cut and
bruised skin. I can see her pondering what must have happened to me.
With moist eyes she offers a consoling smile and puts her hand on my
leg. “You’re going to be okay.” I nod and look
away. Eye contact with her is hard. I bury myself back into Eli’s
chest.
    “Are you able to
walk?” she asks.
    I really don’t
know if I can. I look to Eli as if he has the answer. I shrug. She
smiles and says, “Well there’s only one way to find out.”
She wheels the I.V. stand around to the side of the bed where Eli is.
“Doctor Kendrick says that you should be okay to shower with
assistance. I just have to know that you’re sure-footed
enough.”
    Her attitude is
encouraging. I look at Eli as though asking permission. He shrugs.
“Do you feel up to trying to walk?”
    I nod and he stands,
ready to brace me. My feet are sore and a pain shoots up my legs when
they press against the floor. It’s not comfortable, but I can
do it.
    “That’s
great,” the nurse says with a smile. She looks around the room
until her eyes land on Eli, then me. “Alright, boys, I’ll
be back in about five minutes to get her cleaned up and I’m
going to need you clear out.”
    My head shakes
vehemently and I grab onto Eli. No way I’m letting him go. I
don’t even know her name. It feels like I’m trying to
climb inside Eli so he doesn’t leave me. I look her in the eye
and shake my head.
    “Sweetheart, we
really need to get you cleaned up and tend to these wounds,”
she says in a sympathetic tone.
    All I can think is that
I’d like a shower, but I can’t let Eli out of my sight.
Shit. Panic is rising in me and my shaking is getting worse.
    “Can I talk with
you outside?” Dad says to the nurse, touching her elbow to lead
her out. Carl follows them to the hallway.
    My legs give out on me
and I have to sit back on the bed. My fingers are still holding so
tight onto Eli’s shirt that I think I’ve lost blood flow.
His sapphire eyes are watery with grief at how broken I am. His pain,
the pain he’s feeling because of me, is riding on the surface.
I have to pull myself together. Eli needs me to pull it together.
    “Take it easy,
sweetie.” He kisses my forehead. “You don’t have to
do anything you don’t want to do.”
    A hint of a smile plays
on my lips as a thank you. McNab sits on the other side of the bed,
full of confidence. “Hey kid, we’re here for you.
Whatever you need, name it and I’ll bring it.”
    I nod and press tighter
into Eli. McNab eyes Eli for a moment and mischief crosses his
expression. “We can give you a sponge bath right now.”
    Eli is appalled at the
suggestion. I on the other hand find it hilarious and start to shake
with quiet laughter. “What the hell is wrong with you, McNab?
Look what you did!”
    “Yeah, you’re
going to be just fine, kid. Let me know on that sponge bath,”
He says, smiling and very pleased with himself.
    Eli must have thought I
was crying, until he looks down and sees that I’m laughing. My
laughter is short-lived, but I manage to keep the smile going, as
hard as it is. They need me to pull it together. Eli glares at
McNab. “Nobody’s giving her a sponge bath.”
    I look up at him,
questioning. He’s getting flustered. “Well, I will. But
no way he’s going to do it.”
    I huff another laugh
out and shake my head while nuzzling deeper into his chest. Eli
protectively puts his arms around me and he and McNab exchange
another look. This feels a little bit normal, far away from the
nightmare.
    Dad comes back into the
room with Carl, but the nurse isn’t with him. He’s a
little taken aback when he looks at me. “Are you okay,
Doodlebug?”
    I nod and try to smile.
McNab sits back in the chair next to the bed. “She lightened up
when I told her