Free The Wedding Diaries by Sam Binnie

a mistake it is to get family involved in stuff like that. Doesn’t anyone remember how messy it can be when a relative teaches you to drive?’
    We Carlows all took a moment to recall our beautiful family car, and how much less beautiful it had looked after my first driving lesson with Dad. Dad, usually Forgiver of All Sins, hadn’t been able to talk to me for almost a week after that.
    ‘Fine fine fine!’ Mum said with a false cheery voice. Dad massaged his jaw with a pained expression and Mum took his other hand. ‘Are you alright, love?’
    Dad winced a little, then smiled back at her. ‘I am, Tessa, I am. A bit of a sore jaw tonight. Too much chatting, obviously.’
    I laughed. ‘Obviously, Dad. We can never get a word in when you’re about.’ I felt Thom and Mum look at one another, but was grateful enough for the interruption to not chase that glance down and kill it bloodily all over the dining table.
    TO DO:
    Check waiting times and delivery times on The Dress
    December 6th
    Am I simply having troubles with my priorities? Or am I a monster? A growing suspicion that it’s the latter. Susie invited us over for dinner last night, for Pete’s birthday and some early Christmas cocktails. For once she actually had both booze and Pete in the house, and was sloshing the former merrily into beakers as soon as we’d walked in the door. We toasted one another, with all the festive spirit mulled wine invites:
Susie: To friendship!
Me: To brotherhood on the high seas!
Pete: To the kingdom of Neptune!
Thom: To mermaids!
Susie: To milkmaids!
Pete: To milkmen ! Speaking of which, Suse …
Susie: Are we blaming it on the milkman this time?
Me: [a bit tipsy already, laughing] Wait, what? Are you pregnant or something?
Susie: [pausing] … A bit?
    Thom whooped and grabbed Susie, then Pete, and gave them huge hugs. I was a bit staggered – pregnant? Due in July? Which would mean next year would be entirely about the new baby? A new baby which would be there crying and sicking milk up during our wedding? Jesus, no, I am a monster.
    Susie looked like she’d been slapped when she saw me hesitating, so I gave her an enormous hug and told her that she would be the finest milk-machine at our whole bash. She didn’t really like that either.
    December 8th
    Thom had a horrible day at work today. They have a new client, a ‘nutrition group’ conglomerate that includes all the no. 2 soft drinks, chocolate bars and potato-based snacks in Europe and Asia. They are rich, and powerful, and from everything Thom says they have a massive potato-based snack on their shoulder (accountant humour) from missing out on the no. 1 spot in every field. Apparently they spent $17 million on a marketing push in Korea which saw them hit the top for a fortnight, before they went back to their familiar, uncomfortable second-tier position. The men who came to deal with Thom today are hardly people you’d invite to a house party – pigs at best, full-on pricks at worst – but he’s always aware of how nice he has to be to them so that his company can get a little piece of their money, of which they’ll give an even smaller piece to Thom to keep his brain working on how to make these men a little bit richer, etc. Put it this way: when Thom talks about his job, it makes me want to bake a thank you cake for Carol and Tony and Raff and Jacki. And today was even worse than normal, because today Thom was supposed to show them some fascinating little Monaco loopholes which would make them jig all the way to the bank, and he’d spent the last week checking and double-checking all the figures and the byzantine laws that help rich men stay good and rich, and had everything lined up in a snazzy little presentation for them, neat and clear and simple. But when the time came to start pointing his clicker – or clicking his pointer, whatever – he found that the screen was empty, as was the computer file, as was his USB stick. His secretary came in and had a go