Free A Singular Man by J. P. Donleavy

with half a dozen locks. Now get, Clarissa."
    "Thanks. I'm frozen."
    "Come in, you're early. Just lost my slipper coming down the stairs. Forgive the chaos. Roger and Wilbur were building a jail on the stairs last night."
    "For me I suppose."
    "Don't be so sensitive."
    ''Naturally one wants to feel welcome."
    "Well, all right, you're welcome, George. Give me the galoshes. Take a seat and I'll get you a drink. What would you like."
    "I had a derobe on the train last night."
    "Is that you being objectionable or a drink."
    "Just a drink."
    "I'll make you one. How do you make it"
    "I don't know. I don't know anything."
    "Don't bleed all over the furniture now."
    "It's two miles walk here."
    "I know."
    "Well what do you mean don't bleed over die furniture. I've come in an absolutely friendly mood. Ha ha, he he. Just bubbling with good nature."
    "So am I, ha ha."
    "And get locked out on my own doorstep."
    "O.K. George, I know you own the house."
    "Just an ordinary decent reception is all I'm asking for. And I get abuse."
    "Do you have to take a young child seriously."
    "A revolting, degraded human being. No father wants to hear that."
    "Well you heard it."
    "That's what I'm saying."
    "And George, I'm saying don't sit bleeding over it."
    "Welcome. Come in George. Sit down George. Attempt a pleasantry."
    "A gruesome pun."
    "Even so, you ask me if I'm trying to be objectionable."
    George leaning back. Stare out at the family unit. Her handfuls of brown hair. I have never asked my kids to treat me like God. Or for that matter even like some saint. O I've been guilty. Shouted when I should have shut up. Shut up when I should have shouted. I admit those things. Lashed out when the child was only trying to give me a friendly punch in the kidneys. Even got down on my knees with the toys and they tell me get away, you're ruining our game. I said O.K. kids I don't mind, youth wants to play together. Youth is exuberant. All I was trying to do was push one of the little trucks up the ramp and they push me away. Why should I mind. Haven't I been honest with you kids. What's the matter, don't you get enough to eat and the best of everything. I never had toys like this as a kid. They look up at me and say coldly, don't blame us, we weren't your father. And when feelings are hurt. O.K. that's that. But make no mistake, I've got feelings.
    "Georgie, boo, Georgie. Boo. Here's a nice little cocktail for Georgie. Made it all my ittle self."
    "Look Shirl, it's a long way in the snow out here, if you don't want me, say so right now."
    "You say that every time you come, George. You're dressing differently George."
    "I'm sorry."
    "Don't be ashamed, George, it's an improvement. How's fat."
    "I'm not answering that."
    "George she's fat. O.K. how's Matilda."
    "She's all right."
    "Make nice yummy meals as usual."
    "Matilda's quite adequate as a cook."
    "Well guess so long as that's all you use her for that's swell."
    "For your information I don't fornicate with my servants."
    "No one has ever suggested such a thing. Excuse me while I get dressed, the kids are locked in the cellar, you're safe."
    "Very thoughtful."
    "Knew you'd see it that way."
    Smith saw cross the sitting room. Wide maple floors. Great brick oven fireplace and glass doors to the garden shutting out the winter. Nearly ten years ago. My God I was young. And today take a frosty journey to suffer a stream of smart remarks. The way I met her first by paying for her ticket on a train and I've been paying for her ever since. When people are fidgeting through a handbag with a conductor hanging over you, naturally you want to be of assistance. And so for my few pennies of kindness I purchased a nice background of fast back chat, the big pile of brown hair, George get your hands in this, shoe bills, George you know how I need a change since everybody looks at my legs. Then once in the courtship she said she wanted to say something serious, something she knew I would understand and she wouldn't be