Free Lost and Found by Jennifer Bryan Yarbrough

calling your parents, O. I just need to get some air. I'm sorry I went a little ballistic, but I'm not sorry for what I said. I know I'm right about this. You have given up and you seem to think that your life is over. That's the only reason I told Cash you would take the job, so that you could get out there and see what the world is about again, because you're missing out on a great life, if you would just live it. I didn't mean for you to take it the way you did. I know you can't replace Derek and the kids. There will never be another Derek, Jordan, Jeremiah, or Jenna. They were each their own unique person, but you can still have another family someday, a different family, full of life and love and laughter. It doesn't mean you have to forget about them, but just.... Move forward. They would want you to be happy and that's all I want for you as well. I love you, Olivia. Don't you know that? I care about how you feel and what you're doing to yourself."
    She walked up closer to me and hugged me as hard as she could and I hugged her back, not realizing that I had needed the comfort as well. She then picked up her keys and purse and left. Just like that, as I'm standing in the middle of the living room with tears streaming down my face. After a couple of minutes of just standing there, I  walked into my bedroom and crawled into my bed and pulled my hair over my shoulder and started running my fingers through it, thinking about what all she said and thinking that maybe she was right. It was time for me to move on and as I was falling asleep, I was hoping to see Derek and the kids in my dreams.
     
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    I woke up to buzzing. I looked over at the alarm clock on the night stand and it was one in the afternoon. I had slept for four more hours after my argument with Claud. I realize the buzzing sound is coming from my cell phone and I immediately answer it, before whoever it is goes to voicemail.
    "Hello?" I didn't even think to look at the caller ID.
    "Hello, sweetheart! Are you just now waking up from your wonderful night out last night? Please tell me yes." Oh my word. It's my Mother! Wonderful night? That would be a big no!
    "I was taking a nap, Mom. I've already been up and was still worn out from yesterday and last night, so I needed a nap. How are you doing?" Please don't ask me a bunch of questions. This is my mantra every time I speak to my mother.
    "Oh, I've been fine, Honey. Actually, I've been ecstatic since your Father told me you got out of the house yesterday. It absolutely made my year. You have no idea how worried we have been about you and especially yesterday." I have one decent normal day and everyone thinks I'm turning a corner and everything is supposed to be.... What? Back to normal? There will never be a back to normal for me. I don't care if I have a week of decent days.
    "Well, I wouldn't say shopping and getting my nails done was the answer to all of my problems, Mother. But, I'm really glad that everyone seems to think so." Why is it so much easier to talk to my Dad than it is my mother? I know she's just worried about me. I could hear her hesitation through the phone, so I quickly apologize.
    "I'm sorry, Mom. I know that sounded rude, but yesterday was a long day and it really did wear me out. I've been a little cranky today." There. Hopefully that will make her feel better, because at the moment I feel like a child again that needs scolded.
    "It's okay, Sweetheart. I know that one day isn't going to clear your mind of all your hurts and worries, but honey, just taking that first step at something normal was a big deal. I just don't think you realize it yet."
    Yes, I'm starting to realize it. Yesterday seemed, well, normal. I couldn't tell you how many days Claudia and I had like that in high school and when she would go visit all of us during the holidays.
    "Claud and I did have fun Mom, but I think I need to space it out in spurts. It was a really long day, like I said, but I did