be okay with that?”
Both Hardy and I looked at one another. “Poor word usage, Ronan? What the fuck do you think Hardy has been doing now with Talia in between him and Jaden? You’re not under the impression Jaden still isn’t fucking her, are you?”
“Thanks, Naomi. And since we’re on the subject of fucking, why don’t you tell Ronan you’ve already been there and done that? Whatever that prick does to her he’s already explored in the past. He popped all three cherries you had —front, back and with a nice juicy mouthful of cock. Think about the club , Ronan. Stop being so fuckin’ pig-headed!”
Ronan growled like an animal and I knew he was tempted to use his gun. How could he not be when my biggest and most awful secret had finally been revealed to him? Would he ever want to touch me again? Use his mouth intimately in places he thought were reserved only for him?
He wasn’t an inept person. He knew I wasn’t a virgin when we met but never in his wildest dreams could he have realized that I was as tainted and depraved as this shit situation we happened to be in at the moment.
He probably imagined my first few boyfriends had been men of vanilla tastes who liked sex with the lights out in missionary position. I gave off that kind of vibe I’d never be caught dead with someone like Fernando let alone mixed up in a cartel as violent and notorious as Aztecas Infierno .
“Don’t . . .” I trailed off, my eyes glued to his violet-blue orbs. “I know how much you probably hate me right now but you can make me go through hell some other time. I’m willing to die another day . . . at your hands, my love. If it makes you feel better to squeeze the life out of a pathetic creature like me, I’ll let you do it. Hell, after Fernando’s done with me, it’s all I’ll be good for.” I tried to smile through the tears that fell from my eyes and blurred my vision. “Find another woman who is worthy of your love and affection—someone who will worship you the way you’ll love her. May she give you all the happiness your heart and hands can hold, mi amor .”
Ronan shook his head slowly before he grabbed me by the neck and kissed me ruthlessly, passionately—his tongue forcing its way between my slightly parted lips. “I can’t fuckin’ kill you. You coulda told me the whole cartel has had you and that would never happen. You’re not your past but you are my future. How can I just let you go with this . . . píosa cac ? Ba mhaith liom mé féin a ól chun báis ceart anois . . . the thought of what he will do to you will drive me insane, Nomes .”
My heart didn’t just break—it fucking shattered into a million pieces. Imagining Ronan drunk, volatile and completely uncontrollable while Fernando had his fun with me and used me like his own personal blow-up sex doll come to life.
The tears—those fucking vultures full of pity and helplessness—streamed down my cheeks and I softly kissed his lips again. “It’s just my body. He can do whatever he wants to do with me but he will never be able to reach here.” I grabbed his hand and placed it over my heart. “I belong to you always. Don’t you fucking dare fall apart over me . . . do what you do best. Tá bhfeice mise . . . a dhéanamh iad a íoc .”
Vengeance is yours . . . make them pay.
That was my final message to him before two of Fernando’s men strode back inside of the building and grabbed me roughly, separating us.
Hardy held Ronan back as he fought with anger, hurt and pain. “How long will you keep her? When will she come back?”
Fernando laughed out loud. “Don’t worry about that. You’ll get her back when I’m through with her.”
I turned away—unable to stand the tears and the loneliness that engulfed me like a tomb.
I’d caused all of this. It was my actions that had set this whole plan into motion and now I had to pay for what I’d done. It wasn’t pretty or even something I wanted to do but the choice was no