Free Scouts by Nobilis Reed

the table, “finish up your dinner. We need to have another talk tonight, I think.”
    I took a deep breath and let it out.
    “Not punishment,” she said. “I think you’re doing a good enough job of that on yourself. You’re forgiven, but this isn’t forgotten, and you’re going to need some help getting through this.”
    Perhaps so, but I still found myself dragging dinner out. Masters and Valka put their trays in the recycler and left. Shirley sat patiently, waiting for me to finish.
    It’s amazing how quickly a healthy appetite can vanish when you’re waiting for an unpleasant encounter.
    After I picked at my food for a few minutes, Shirley put her hand on mine. “I’m not angry with you, Challers. Like I said, all is forgiven, but we do need to work on your jealous feelings. The sooner you deal with them, the better.”
    I sighed. “All right.”
    I stood, put the tray in the recycler, and I trudged solemnly back to our quarters with Shirley’s arm around my waist.
    We entered our quarters, and Shirley sat down cross-legged on her side of the bed, gesturing for me to join her. Under the cover of putting my tablet on the dressing table by the door, I slipped the mysterious data wafer from my shorts and dropped it into the bottom of the tablet’s carry-pouch.
    “All right, Challers,” she said when I joined her, “this is getting worse instead of better. Let’s take another crack at this, hmm?”
    “I’m sorry,” I said. “I . . . just . . .”
    “No, no.” She put a hand on my knee. “Stop. What’s past is past. Let’s dig a little deeper this time, okay? What you’re feeling isn’t uncommon. You’re just having trouble fitting some of your expectations and preconceptions into the Scout way of life. The thing is, they don’t fit. And you need to let go of them.”
    I nodded.
    She put her fingers gently under my chin and lifted my face to look into my eyes. “Now, Challers. Tell me honestly, are you afraid you will lose Valka?”
    “No, no, it’s not that. I realize that doesn’t really make any sense. I never really had her in the first place, so thinking I’d lose her is kind of silly.”
    “Good. You got that lesson. I’m glad we don’t have to go over it again. Back in the classroom, you seemed resentful that Masters was doing something that you could have done. Were you feeling envious that he was enjoying her attention?”
    “Isn’t that the same as jealous?”
    “Not exactly. Instead of feeling afraid that you’re going to lose something you think you own, envy is when you wish you had something someone else is enjoying. It’s like going to a friend’s quarters and he’s got his own bedroom, all on his own, where you’re sleeping in a fold-out in your father’s workspace. You wish you could have that, but you can’t, and you feel angry and hurt that you don’t have it. So, envy?”
    “Yeah, yeah. Envy.”
    “What do you think we might do about it?”
    “Hunh? You’re not going to jump all over me again?”
    “Would an orgasm help?” She cocked her head to the side with a small smile.
    “No. It just gets me even more confused.”
    “Then what?”
    “Shirley, I’ve been with Valka for a long time. Almost a year, I think, and we’ve been really close ever since we decided to try to get into the Scouts. We tell each other everything. There’s no one else I care for like her in the whole galaxy. I want her attention, and when I see her giving it to Masters . . . yeah, I’m envious. Is that so wrong?”
    “It’s an understandable reaction, Challers, given where you come from. Think back about what I’ve already told you. I respect your relationship with Valka, and so does the Service. But I want you to make room in your heart for more. These feelings, they’re not limited to just one person.” She took my hand in hers.
    This time I didn’t pull away. I wanted to be mature about this. A Scout.
    “A Scout must learn to broaden his heart. Make room for