Free (2011) The Gift of Death by Sam Ripley

know you might feel like you want to die, but sorry to say that’s not an option for the moment,’ he said. ‘That will come in due time, but first I want you to know what it was like for Yelena, for Duane. For all those poor fuckers out there who you’ve sold to. Call it empathy, if you like. Do you know what that means?’ He pretended to hear Phil’s answer. ‘That’s right. Imagining what it is like to see the world from another’s perspective, to feel their feelings, understand their thoughts. An aspect of emotional intelligence that is one of the keys to a successful life. You see, Phil, I do empathy big time. One of my greatest assets, but of course one of my greatest weaknesses, too. You see, it’s easy for me to take on the problems of the world, and each problem hurts me a little more. I feel every little sting, every little insult, every little oversight. It’s a cruel world, Phil. But it’s my job to make it a little nicer, a little more bearable. You do understand, don’t you?’
     
    He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again he took on the pose of a waiter in a restaurant, with one arm behind his back.
     
    ‘ So, what’s on the menu tonight? Just a moment, sir. I’ll ask the chef and then I’ll be right back. If you wouldn’t mind remaining seated, sir. Thank you.’
     
    He turned on his heels, enjoying the theatricality of the performance, and walked into the kitchen. The pine surfaces were cluttered with unwashed plates and old food lay smeared in pans on the stove. Dirty dishes filled the double sink, from which he could smell something stagnating. Another example, he thought, of how filth bred more filth. What hope had the world if it was full of the unclean, the morally corrupt, the degenerate?
     
    Still wearing his gloves he started to search the cupboards, rifling through old cassette tapes, broken guitar strings, stained scraps of musical scores, until he found a cabinet full of small, plastic packets. He took out a few at random, and held them up to the light. Some of the packages contained a dark, seaweed-brown substance, while others were packed full of white powder. There were clusters of red, white and purple pills, some of which had been branded with various symbols: an erect phallus, an open vagina, an exploding head, a volcano, a paradisal beach. He shoved a selection in his pocket and headed back to Phil.
     
    ‘ Sorry for the slight delay, sir,’ he said, continuing the game. ‘I’m sorry to say I couldn’t locate the chef, so I have taken the liberty of preparing – what should I say? – the degustation menu for you. A selection of signature dishes, which I hope you will enjoy. What was that, sir?,’ he said pretending to hear a voice. ‘You’re ravenous? Well, I’m glad to hear you’ve got a large appetite. And we may as well begin with the hors d’oeuvres.’
     
    He took hold of Phil’s head with the delicacy of a top-dollar dentist and moved him back in the chair. He opened his mouth and slowly poured in the contents of one of the packets of cocaine he had found in the kitchen.
     
    ‘ You found that a little dry? Sorry to hear that sir. Let me give you a glass of water.’
     
    He moved closer over Phil’s mouth, coughed and then spat a ball of phlegm into the hole.
     
    ‘ I hope that helps a little,’ he said. ‘Yes? Well, just perfect. Now, for the next course. What do we have here?’
     
    He fished out a few of the different coloured pills – most probably different combinations of amphetamine, ketamine, Viagra, speed, ecstasy and LSD – and dropped them into Phil’s mouth. He placed his hand over his face to make sure he swallowed all the tablets.
     
    ‘ Mmm, tasty right?’ he said. ‘You haven’t any room for desert? Shame on you. After I’ve gone to all this trouble. What would your momma say, Phil. Have you forgotten your manners? You can squeeze in a little? That’s just perfect. Now comes