Free The Everything Box by Richard Kadrey Page B

said.
    â€œFast Eddie. The Flasher from Detroit? He’s the guy who stole a couple of your jobs out from under you, isn’t he?”
    â€œAnd left me holding the bag when one of his people ran off with the goods.”
    â€œHow much did that cost you?” said Coop.
    â€œA lot,” said Morty. “Among other things, my Mercedes. It wasn’t even hot. I bought that thing with real money like a regular person.”
    â€œAnd he took that from you.”
    â€œYeah. He did.”
    â€œGood. I want you to picture your missing Mercedes when I tell you the next part,” said Coop.
    â€œI’m listening.”
    â€œSee, the only way I can figure this working out is if we can get Babylon to pull two jobs at the same time.”
    Morty squinted at Coop. “You lost me around that last curve. Two jobs?”
    Coop held up two fingers. “It doesn’t have to be a real job. But the other team has to think it’s a real job. They’d have to go in looking for one thing and then a little while later we go looking for the real thing.”
    â€œWhy?”
    â€œCause there’s a slight, and I mean really minuscule, chance they’re going to get caught.”
    â€œWhat?” said Morty, his eyes opening wider.
    Coop held out his hands hoping to calm Morty down. “Not caught caught. Not if they’re any good, but they have to screw up enough to set off a lot of alarms and get the guards’ attention.”
    â€œWe can’t throw someone to the wolves like that,” said Morty.
    â€œSure we can,” said Coop. “We get Babylon to hire Fast Eddie.”
    Morty rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know.”
    â€œDo you know anyone who deserves it more? Who would everybody in town like to see sweat?”
    â€œI get it,” said Morty. “But it’s unethical, setting up another crew like that.”
    â€œIt’s not like we’re talking about people. We’re talking about Fast Eddie and his crew of creeps,” said Coop. “And we’re not doing it so they get caught. Just noticed. Then, while the guards are dealing with Eddie, we slip in the back and do the Babylon job.”
    Morty drank his coffee. “Still,” he said.
    Coop leaned on the table. “Do you think Eddie would hesitate for one second setting you up if it would help him out?”
    Morty considered it and said, “Eddie is a dark person.”
    â€œThe worst,” said Coop. “While I was inside I heard he dropped a dime on Lazlo the Mole.”
    â€œThe old guy with the droopy eye?”
    â€œThat’s him.”
    â€œHe was a sweet old cuss,” said Morty.
    â€œHe’s a sweet old cuss doing ten to twenty out at Surf City.”
    Morty set down his cup. “Droopy Lazlo? Fuck Eddie. Let’s set him up. But how do we know he’ll get the guards’ attention?”
    â€œâ€™Cause Babylon is going to give him the wrong plans,” said Coop. “The way in and the way out will be real. But in the middle, he’s going to be as subtle as a rhinoceros at a bris.”
    Morty gave Coop a funny look. Sort of a frown and a smile at the same time. “You’re a diabolical person,” he said.
    â€œOnly to those who deserve it.”
    â€œAnd we’re going to set it up so there’s a way for Fast Eddie to escape.”
    â€œAs long as he has a brain and two feet.”
    Morty rubbed his hands together. “Okay. So what else do we need?”
    â€œWell, Eddie might not be distracting enough. If things go wrong I’d like to be able take down the whole security system. Maybe even clear out the building.”
    â€œHow do we do that?”
    â€œThink Babylon can get us some Jiminys?”
    Morty made a face. “Those little cricket things?”
    â€œYeah. They’ll eat plastic, metal, walls—”
    â€œAnd everything else they can get their greedy chompers