Free Sellout by Ebony Joy Wilkins Page B

waiting.
    “Sometimes, I hate the color of my skin.”
    As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I knew I was in trouble. It was a shock even to me. I had never said them out loud, even though I’d felt it my whole life.
    Susan gasped and stared at the others to see what they’d do. Quiana grinned and folded her arms across her chest,happy to have some dirt against me. Rochelle leaned forward and popped her knuckles and challenged me to a staring contest that I didn’t want to participate in. Red rocked back and forth for a while before speaking. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
    “Thank you, NaTasha, I know how difficult that was for you,” Red said. “Can anyone offer an encouraging word?”
    Silence. My whole body was hot and I needed a blast of fresh air right away. When it was clear no one else was interested in holding a conversation, especially to give nice words to me, Red dismissed us for the day. I ran out of the circle toward the exit faster than I knew I could move.
    If I knew anything about Quiana and Rochelle, they would have the word out at Amber’s Place by the end of the day. Confidentiality my ass. My group had no loyalty to the new girl. After hearing their own stories, it was clear those girls knew nothing about following the rules.
    It was only a matter of time before every girl at the center would know my greatest secret. Tilly would be heartbroken. I had to find her.
    When I found Tilly I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t tell her about the silence I had created at the end of our session. Or the dirty looks I’d gotten as a result of my confession.
    “Hey, baby, how was group today?” Tilly asked, hugging me tight. She hadn’t heard yet. “These girls go through some stuff, don’t they? Many wouldn’t have a chance if it wasn’t for this place.”
    I wasn’t sure what I was doing here, besides giving the girls something to take their minds off their own issues. I was the bait and they were the hungry fish at the bottom of the sea. I couldn’t believe I fell into their trap.
    “It was fine,” I said, with my head down. “But I just want to go home.”
    Tilly probably thought I meant her apartment, but what I really wanted more than anything was to go home home. And the more I thought about Matt and Heather planning a party together without me, the more I was sure I should be volunteering my time helping Matt Billings plan his party instead of spending time with these hateful girls at Amber’s Place. They didn’t want me around and I didn’t want to be here.
    “Tash, you’ll mean more to these girls than you even know, so don’t give up just now,” Tilly said.
    I thought about how good it would feel to get my things and run out of here.
    “Baby,” Tilly continued, “this place helped your mother when she tried to drop out of school, it helped me when I was down and out, and I’m hoping it will help you, too.”
    Tilly said some girls started waiting for my mom after school. They would pull her hair and tear at her clothes like she was a rag doll. Tilly told me it got so bad, my mom wanted to drop out of school, but Tilly wouldn’t hear of it. They talked it over and went searching for Amber’s Place, the only safe haven at the time for girls like my mom. Tilly was forever grateful and had been volunteering there ever since.
    That all sounded good, but helping these girls would be more difficult than ever now.
    “You won’t regret this, trust me,” Tilly said.
    I know I had a sour look on my face. Tilly ignored me.
    “The girls have exercise class now, why don’t you join them?” she said, like I was on some cruise vacation choosing my leisure activity for the afternoon.
    I shook my head no.
    “Come on, NaTasha, I have to meet with Red anyway, and I’m pretty sure they are playing your favorite today, volleyball.”
    I wanted to follow Tilly into Red’s office to make sure she wouldn’t find out my secret. Red had promised confidentiality, but