Free Sellout by Ebony Joy Wilkins

fountain.
    “Who is having a party?” I said, interrupting her.
    “Tash, what other Matt do you know?” Heather squealed. “And, get this, he asked if I had ideas for a theme!”
    Matt Billings called Heather to invite us to a party. That was huge news.
    “Wait,” I said. “Why didn’t he call me himself if he wanted to invite me to a party?”
    “Oh, you know how guys are,” Heather answered. “They run into one friend and ask for all her friends. You’re missing the point, Tash. We are going to Matt Billings’s party!”
    Matt must not have heard about the dance recital at all. He would never invite me to a party if he had heard what happened to Stephanie. Maybe I could show my face in Adams Park after all. I was hiding out in Harlem being laughed at bya bunch of delinquents while my best friend was enjoying my summer vacation at home talking on the phone and planning a party with my Matt Billings.
    “Tash?”
    “I don’t know, Heather, I’ll have to call you back,” I said. “I may be busy getting married that weekend.”

CHAPTER SEVEN
    TILLY CONVINCED ME to give the girls at Amber’s Place another chance. I told you it wasn’t going to be easy, she reminded me.
    We headed into the center, and I hoped share time wasn’t a regular thing. But when we got there the girls were already in their groups and were beginning to share. I looked at Tilly for a way out, but she nodded to my group and walked toward her own.
    “Hey, Tash, welcome back,” Red announced as soon as she saw me. “We’re going around the circle and telling everyone one thing we hate about ourselves. Join us.”
    Like I had a choice. Where else was I going to go? Tilly had brought me about as far north as you could go on the subway and I couldn’t find my way back if I wanted to.
    I sat down next to the girl who had hugged her stomach during the last session. She had her black hair pulled into a ponytail high on her head, accentuating her big, blue eyes. She smiled weakly at me. Her skin was sweaty and pale like Elmer’s school glue. I wondered if she had the flu or something.
    “Okay, Susan, go ahead, you can continue,” Red said, pointing to the pasty-skinned girl.
    Susan moved her hands from her stomach and put them on both her cheeks and stared between her feet. All the girls in the circle followed her gaze to the floor.
    “I hate my feet,” she said quietly. “And I hate my knees, and my fat thighs and the extra flab around my belly, the way my skin swings on my elbows when I move my arms, and my saggy boobs.”
    The girls around her began to giggle until they saw the tears falling from her eyes. Her sadness was like a wave of gloom that hit us all at the same time. She was serious. The only body parts she left out were from the neck up. I wondered if she was happy with anything up there. I didn’t think so.
    “Susan, that’s quite a list,” Red said, flipping pages in her notebook. She scooted to the front of her seat to touch Susan’s knee. “You only had to give us one, and I hope at some point you’re able to come to grips with your body. We all do at some point in our lives.”
    The girls were oddly quiet. None of the taunts or insults thrown at the previous session was happening. All eyes were on Red. Susan had tear after tear running down her cheeks. She didn’t try to fight them back at all.
    “I’m not finished,” she said quietly, interrupting Red, who withdrew her hand and motioned for Susan to continue. All eyes went back to Susan again. “I also hate having a boyfriend who hates all of these things about me, too.”
    She wrapped her arms back around her stomach. I thought about putting my arm around Susan’s shoulders. I would do thatfor a friend. But these girls weren’t my friends. Susan would move away from me if I tried to comfort her. Touching was probably breaking some rule I didn’t know about anyway.
    “Girls, we’re doing this exercise so that you can release any of your anxiety or