Free First Contact by Walter Knight Page A

someone was bound to be found in contempt of court and put on the menu before the day was out. Judge Black-Sting grinned form mandible to mandible when he spotted me, his old fishing buddy from back in the day.
    “ Czerinski, old pal, old friend of mine! How is it hanging?” asked Black-Sting, amused at his own inside joke. “Congratulations on being the first human to win the New Gobi 1000. There goes the neighborhood!”
    “ Speaking of hanging, Your Honor, I was hoping to prevent such an event,” I addressed the Court formally. “One of my legionnaires, Private Walter Knight, was arrested for possession of Yartsa without a permit. I understand possession of Yartsa with intent to traffic is a capital offense.”
    “ Walter Knight, the world-famous science-fiction writer?” asked Judge Black-Sting.
    “One and the same,” I replied, motioning to Private Knight seated in chains and iron ball at my side.
    “I’d like to get an autographed collectors copy of Walter’s latest book.”
    I nodded. “Knight is sorry, and won’t do it again. He’s a good boy, basically, when not drunk, cheating at poker, or stealing worms. It’s not like Knight was smoking the bobo bush again, mon.”
    “ Records show Knight has prior offenses, including poaching endangered blue lizards,” commented Judge Black-Sting, sternly reviewing the database and checking his translation device. “How does the miscreant Yartsa-dealer Knight plead?”
    “ Guilty as sin,” announced attorney Depoli. “You can see the guilt in his narrow beady eyes. But there are mitigating factors. I blame Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and an addiction to database porn. Knight pleads diminished capacity, which can be readily corroborated by Amazon Kindle book reviews stating he writes no better than a moron with an IQ of 61.”
    “ Yes, I’ve seen the reviews of Knight’s so-called science fiction,” agreed Judge Black-Sting, coming to a decision. “I cannot in good conscience condemn such a pathetic retarded want-to-be science-fiction writer to the gallows, in spite of the torturous sleepless nights he inflicted on so many readers across the galaxy. I fine Walter Knight fifty dollars. Do not ever do this sort of thing again. You hear me, boy?”
    “ Yes, thank you, Your Honor,” answered Private Knight, contritely. “What do you mean, torturous sleepless nights?”
    “ Shut up and get out of my court, you low-life poacher!” ordered Judge Black-Sting.
    “ But I won those grubs fair and square in a poker game! Can’t I get them back?”
    “ Next case!” shouted Judge Black-Sting as Sergeant Green roughly dragged world-famous science-fiction writer Walter Knight from the courtroom.
    “ State versus Alonzo Gore et al,” announced the bailiff. “Gore and his conspirators appear to be a no show.”
    “ They ate him!” interrupted Smooth Johnson, pulling on his chains. “The jailers ate Al Gore!”
    “ Order in the court,” admonished Judge Black-Sting, pounding repeatedly with his gavel. “Nonsense! Jailers are not allowed to eat prisoners without a court order.”
    “ I saw it!” argued Smooth desperately. “They flipped a coin and ate him. Gore was white meat!”
    “ Is this Gore fool one of the human Democrats we saved for the barbecue?” asked Judge Black-Sting in a hushed tone. “Didn’t I order all those yummy Democrats cleared off the docket yesterday?”
    “ Sorry, Your Honor,” answered the bailiff. “He must have slipped through. Probably did not have photo identification. Most Democrats do not.”
    “ They ate the Democrat!” shouted Smooth. “He had matches keestered up his ass!”
    “ Gag that noisy human,” ordered Black-Sting, reviewing the filing papers. “I might have known, another poacher. I find you in contempt of court for your scandalous disorderly conduct. I suppose you will be pleading diminished capacity, too?”
    Smooth gagged on the smelly sock jailers duct taped into his mouth. Ha! Another use for duct