Free 21 Steps to Happiness by F. G. Gerson

bones melt and my body is turning into a deflated balloon. I close my eyes and ask myself what Roxanne would do if she were here.
    â€œI need more than an apology, Nicolas. I need an explanation.” I hope my voice sounds as strong as I intended it to.
    â€œWe…we’d love to have you working for us. But…”
    But is such a horrible word.
    â€œMuriel and I talked yesterday night. And…she doesn’t feel the vibes between you two.”
    Vibes? There’re so many good reasons for me not to be here. But vibes!
    â€œYou must be joking, Nicolas!”
    â€œI know. It sounds, well, a bit crazy.”
    I’m not going to cry, I swear, I’m not.
    â€œWhat about your own vibes? ”
    â€œWhat do you mean?”
    â€œI know you didn’t want me to be here in the first place. Admit it.”
    â€œIt was Muriel’s decision.”
    â€œBut you convinced her to send me back, didn’t you?”
    â€œLynn, Muriel has big expectations and big ideas. But we simply don’t have the money to back them up.”
    â€œJust say it—you don’t like me.”
    â€œI’m sorry, Lynn, I know it sounds unfair.”
    I sigh. “It’s more than unfair, Nicolas. It’s revolting! You were not with us yesterday. You didn’t see what I saw. The reason Muriel doesn’t feel the vibes is that I refused to kiss her.”
    â€œOh, don’t say that. Muriel’s not like that.”
    â€œLike hell she’s not! I don’t kiss, I don’t get the job. That’s how simple it is.”
    â€œIt doesn’t work that way, you’re wrong.”
    â€œReally?”
    Let’s give it a try, then. I put my hand on his arms. I feel his muscles tensing. I take one step forward. I lift myself on my toes and land a kiss on his lips. Yes, that’s right. I steal the kiss that I didn’t give to Muriel yesterday.
    I let him go. He wasn’t very responsive, but he didn’t fight it too much, either.
    â€œSo?” I ask. “Can I get my job back now?”
    â€œLynn, this is completely absurd.”
    â€œAbsurd, huh?”
    Okay. He makes the rules. I go again. I’m back on my toes and on his lips. I’m right against him. I feel him. I feel how tense he is.
    â€œSo?” I ask again.
    â€œThis is crazy.”
    â€œWell, that’s Muriel B’s style. I’m just like her, getting the vibes.”
    â€œI’m…so sorry.” He steps away from me. He doesn’t want me to go for a third. “I need…you know…” He points toward Muriel and the group. “We’ll arrange your trip back and, well, we’re broke but we will…pay for everything. That’s…”
    I nod. “Just go, Nicolas.”
    â€œI’m sorry, Lynn.”
    â€œYeah, right.”
    I want him to go away before I fall apart. He gives me some kind of sad smile and leaves me there.
    I fall down on a wooden box. It’s covered by some sort of white dust. That’s going to stain for good.
    I feel so lonely and lost. I am in Paris, far away from home, surrounded by strangers, hiding under a stand with the souvenir of a hopeless kiss.
    â€œThat’s the best I can do,” I hear the priest say. “And honestly, Muriel, I don’t have all morning to argue with you.”
    â€œIt’s a fucking joke! I’ll sue!”
    â€œYou’ll sue? Ha! Do you realize that I booked you here only as a favor to your father?”
    I can see them from where I sit. I can see the catwalk. I could hide here for the day and enjoy the shows. Nicolas looks so confused.
    Is he still thinking of me?
    â€œMaybe we can make it…a breakfast event. With coffee and croissants…and…I don’t know…” Nicolas says clumsily.
    Muriel takes a better look at him. “What’s wrong with you?”
    Is it me, or does he looks extra pale?
    â€œThis is fashion, Nicolas!