Free In Your Honor by Heidi Hutchinson

many
thoughts swirling in his head, making it impossible for him to let
go and relax.
    He'd woken up that morning alone after
having fallen asleep with Lucy in his arms. He might as well have
drained a bottle of Jameson on the riverbank with the way that girl
went to his head. The morning-after hangover from Lucy was just as
potent and horrible. She had left without saying goodbye, and he
wondered if he would ever see her again. The long walk back to the
buses had done nothing to clear his head, and he was thankful that
Kendra wasn't going to rat him out to Carl. He didn't want to deal
with that shit storm just yet.
    He heard someone enter the bus and
held his breath, waiting to see if they would call for him or not.
He knew he wouldn't get away with disappearing last night without
some questions being asked. He expected Luke to use his actions as
the reason to pull the plug on Taylor Stevens. Blake hoped to God
that didn't happen. He didn't need any more reasons to hate
himself.
    The curtain to his bunk drew back and
he was actually relieved to see it was Lenny. She didn't say
anything. Well, he'd rather deal with Lenny than Carl. He rolled
out of the bunk and she followed him to the back lounge where she
closed the door.
    “ Is she coming with us?”
Lenny asked gently, and Blake noticed for the first time the
worried expression she wore.
    He settled onto the wide couch and
slouched against the armrest. Lenny remained standing.
    “ I don't know.” He
shrugged. “I told her that if she did, I would stay away from her.”
He didn't know how much Luke had told her, so he was going to
assume she knew all of it.
    “ Can you really do that?”
She arched a disbelieving eyebrow.
    That was the real question, wasn't it?
It was one Blake hadn't been able to answer yet either. “I want to
say yes.” He swallowed hard. “But she's... I don't know...” He
rubbed the top of his thighs with his palms, trying to dry the
sweat.
    “ She's important to you,”
Lenny finished, understanding in her tone.
    “ At one time, Lenny... she
was my everything.” His throat started to close and he wondered why
he was confessing this to her. Probably because he knew he could
trust her. The sister he'd never had. The regrets he had with Lucy
were becoming too great to keep inside. It hurt too
much.
    “ What happened in Virginia
Beach last year?” Lenny asked softly.
    Blake didn't expect that question, but
it made sense. That was the night Lenny had had to literally carry
him out of a bar because he was falling-down drunk. He hadn't
thought she'd made the connection. He should have known
better.
    “ It was her wedding day...
or it was supposed to be.” He looked down at his hands, ashamed at
his own behavior. That day had been hard. He hadn't felt that
helpless in a long time.
    “ What do you mean?” Lenny
asked.
    “ She was supposed to get
married to this rich asshole and move to Tulsa. I couldn't handle
being sober and knowing she was promising forever to someone else.”
He snorted. “But she's not married.”
    “ What happened?” Lenny's
face was genuinely interested, concerned, making Blake feel safe.
Like he could talk about it and someone might get it.
Finally.
    “ I don't know.” He rubbed
the back of his neck with his hand. “Yes, before you ask, I was
with her all night. No, I didn't ask her any of the questions that
I'm dying to have the answers to.” He dropped his hand back to his
lap and leaned his head against the tinted window. “I just... held
her.” All night.
    “ Oh, Blake.” Lenny's
compassion was going to send him over the edge. He could feel the
desperation clawing at his insides and he swallowed it back down.
He wasn't going to cry. He refused.
    “ I don't think she's
coming, which is what really hurts because she's really talented,
Lenny.” His brows pulled together. “And I can't help but think it's
all my fault. If I had treated her better, or maybe if I'd never
known her... she'd be living the life