Free The Diary of Ma Yan by Ma Yan Page B

problems. My mother had given me some money with which to buy bread. For days, I had only eaten yellow rice. I preferred going hungry and saving so that I could buy the pen. How I suffered for that pen!
    Then I got another pen. I won it at the Children’s Day celebrations on the first of June for being a good student. From then on, I no longer lacked pens.
    But my dear old pen gave me a sense of power. It made me understand the meaning of a difficult life or a happy life. Every time I see the pen, it’s as if I were seeing my mother. It’s as if she was encouraging me to work hard and make it into the girls’ senior school.
    Now I’ve disappointed my mother. What am I but a useless burden? At school I lead a life that isn’t worthwhile. I couldn’t make it into the girls’ school. What’s the use of going on?
    But I must think positively. I have to succeed. I will, I really will find an ideal job. And I’ll be happy with it.
    Saturday, August 4
A fine day
    This morning Mother and Father went off to work in the fields. No one had yet taken them any bread. My brother Ma Yichao said he would go and asked me to cut the grass for the donkey. I took the basket and the scythe and went out. I walked along to my fourth uncle’s house and called to my other brother, Ma Yiting, who was there, and we went off together. A few small children followed us. We all worked side by side. We each cut a bagful of grass, then went home laughing and chatting. Everyone looked very happy.
    Maybe they think this is the end of their work for the day, that now it’s their turn to ask for things…. Will they go on living in this ridiculous manner?
    I must study hard. When I’m older I’ll make sure that my children have happy days, that they’re not always caught up in money problems, which is the case at home now. If they don’t go to school, I’ll ask them to grow grass and tend the ox and the sheep. Then what they earn in a year will be enough to support them.
    But I’m already planning my future life even though I have no idea if I’ll succeed. Let’s hope so.
    Sunday, August 5
A fine day
    This afternoon, when my parents got back from their work in the fields, they fell asleep on the bed. I went out to tether the donkey and give him some grass to eat. When I came back inside, I saw that my parents were even more deeply asleep. I didn’t wake them. I found a little wood for burning and some dung and brought them in. I took yesterday’s ashes out of the stove and started to light the fire. But it wouldn’t take. Nothing I did would make it light. I wanted to die.
    At that moment I understood how painstaking Mother has to be when she prepares our food. Just getting the fire going is a struggle. I’ve tried it just once and it makes me want to die. How has Mother managed to keep the fire alight, let alone do all our cooking for so long?
    I started helping in the kitchen at the age of seven. Many years have passed since then. I’ve also lit the fire in the stove on occasion, but always with the help of my brothers. Today I’m alone. But I’ve got to get it going.
    Finally I manage and I can start cooking. When the food is ready I wake my parents so that they can eat. During the meal Mother starts to tell stories from her childhood. It’s so nice to listen to her. She laughs, and her eyes seem to laugh at the same time. I want her to laugh all the time and wish she had no more worries and no reasons to be sad.
    If only my wish would come true!
    Thursday, August 9
A fair day
    This morning my two brothers went out to cut grass for the donkey while Father was working on the threshing floor. Mother is ill. She stayed in bed.
    I tried to get the fire going for the meal, but my brothers came back before it caught. I asked them why they had been so quick.
    â€œWe want to work today. When we’ve finished eating, Cousin She, a friend from the