Free Hi I'm a Social Disease: Horror Stories by Andersen Prunty

in the man’s neck draw tight as he stifled a wince.
    They made their way down to the car, Elijah standing outside until he saw that Maya and her lover were in their assigned positions. Still cautious, he slid into the back seat, maintaining a firm grip on the baseball bat. After sitting down, vigilantly leaning forward, there was an awkward pause in the rhythm.
    “ Start the car,” he barked at Maya.
    “ I don’t know if I can use the gas pedal,” she said.
    “ You don’t need your leg to use it, just your foot. Now start the fucking car.”
    She did as she was told. Music from the Birthday Party filled the car, Nick Cave’s hooting and barking, along with the churning and screeching of the guitar, matching what Elijah felt in his head. Maya’s hand instinctively reached out to turn the volume down until she thought better of it. Elijah realized he was still in control of the situation.
    The storm had now passed completely and the late afternoon was sparkling and humid.
    “ Roll down your window!” Elijah shouted over the music.
    Maya rolled down the window.
    She pulled away from the curb and started down the road, where Main Street turned into the Pike. From there they would hit Keifer and be just about where Elijah needed them to be.
    Elijah sat in the back seat, studying them—the tense musculature of their necks, the way their shoulders seemed all drawn up. He basked in it. He basked in what he had planned, never once thinking anything would stop it from going off.
    But he didn’t want to end anything without getting some answers first. Eileen and Cynthia had taken the open book with them, leaving Elijah to write up his own conclusions and close the book. It was something he didn’t ever think he would be capable of doing. Of course, with their situation he had no control over it. He had simply decided it was the man with the face like a bruise and had spent the next two years of his life searching that man out. He wasn’t going to let that happen again. He had the man with the face like a bruise right here in front of him and he wasn’t going to let him get away.
    Elijah slid the bat in between the two front seats and started ramming the stereo violently until it cracked, splintered, and the music went away.
    “ So, Maya, you never properly introduced me to loverboy here. I mean, in a round about way, I guess we were quite intimate but, shucks, I don’t even know his name.”
    “ Hunter,” she said.
    “ Last name?”
    “ Green.”
    “ Hunter Green? Sounds like a fucking golf course. So, Maya, how old a man is Hunter?”
    “ Twenty-three.”
    “ Oh. Robbing the cradle a bit? Well, that’s all fine, I guess I’m pretty much past my prime anyway. By the way, how big is Hunter’s cock, Maya?”
    She was silent.
    Elijah quickly flicked the barrel of the bat to his right, smacking Hunter on the side of the head, just hard enough to stun him and make a satisfying sound.
    “ I never measured.”
    “ But surely you have an idea. Erect? What, both hands plus the head? Then some, maybe…”
    “ Nine inches.”
    “ Hunter, does Maya give good head? I mean, is it up to your standards? I always found it pretty good, except that she could never really go all the way with it. You know, she could never get it all the way in without gagging.”
    Hunter stared dazedly ahead. “She’s good,” he said through clenched teeth.
    “ That’s pretty vague there, Hunter. I mean, if you’re nine inches then you have something on me so I know she wasn’t able to get it all the way in.”
    “ She tried.”
    “ Well, sometimes that’s the best you can ask for, I guess. Did you like the taste of her pussy? I ask this because I noticed you kind of feasting on it when I came home today.”
    “ Yes.”
    “ On a scale of one to ten?”
    “ Eight.”
    “ Have you tasted a lot of pussy?”
    “ A few.”
    “ So have you ever tasted a ten?”
    “ Yes.”
    “ Who was she?”
    “ Lorna Brett. My sophomore