Free Selby's Shemozzle by Duncan Ball Page B

louder and louder. ‘I’ve never heard anything like it before. It sounds like a stampede!’
    Sure enough, dogs from all around Poshfield and Bogusville ran towards the wonderful smell that came from the factory. Within a minute a huge pack of dogs had rounded the corner of the building and come in through the open door. They tore by Selby and Bart and started grabbing biscuits and jumping into the vat of Dry-Mouth Dog Biscuit mix.
    â€˜This is fantastic!’ cried Bart. ‘These are going to be the greatest biscuits ever!’
    â€˜Have you seen the price of the new Dry-Mouth Dog Biscuits?’ Dr Trifle asked Mrs Trifle when he held up a package of New Improved Dry-Mouth Dog Biscuits with Vitamin PP. ‘They’re twice as expensive as the old ones.’
    â€˜Yes, but Selby loves them,’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘He ate the whole package we bought yesterday.’
    â€˜They smell yummy,’ Dr Trifle said. ‘I could eat them myself.’
    â€˜Apparently the Dry-Mouth Dog Biscuit Company is doing huge business in them,’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘Denis Dorset must be getting very rich.’
    â€˜Well, that part of it is too bad,’ Selby thought. ‘But at least I’ve made a lot of dogs very happy — including myself.’
    â€˜This may sound funny,’ Dr Trifle said, ‘but they smell a bit like those lovely peanut prawns they make at The Spicy Onion Restaurant.’
    â€˜Goodness, I think you’re right — but they can’t be,’ Mrs Trifle said, looking at the label. ‘Ifthey were anything like that there would have to be a warning that there are peanuts in them.’

    â€˜Really? What’s wrong with peanuts?’
    â€˜Nothing, usually. It’s just that some people — and that goes for dogs too — are allergic to peanuts. They can even die from eating them, so every food that has peanuts in it has to say so on the label.’
    â€˜Uh-oh,’ Selby thought. ‘What have I done?! Dogs could be dropping dead all over the place because of me! Okay, it’s very unlikely, but if even one dog died because of me, I’d hate myself. What a shemozzle! I’ve got to do something — but what?’
    All night long Selby lay awake on his mat thinking of a dog that might be choking on a New Improved Dry-Mouth Dog Biscuit with Vitamin PP. In the morning, after the Trifles had each had a Nature-Good Ultra-Thin No-Fat Dry Rice Wafer and were out for their power walk, Selby ran to the telephone and dialled Denis Dorset.
    â€˜Excuse me, Mr Dorset,’ Selby said. ‘I just wanted to talk to you about something.’
    â€˜What can I do for you?’
    â€˜It’s about your New Improved Dry-Mouth Dog Biscuits with Vitamin PP.’
    â€˜Aha! So you’d like to place an order, would you? I’m afraid there’s a six-month waiting list. I’m now getting orders from all around the world. We’re about to build a bigger factory.’
    â€˜Well, don’t,’ Selby said.
    â€˜What do you mean?’
    â€˜I happen to know that Vitamin PP stands for peanut prawns. And peanut prawns have peanuts in them, and peanuts can be very dangerous. If you don’t stop making them, I’ll sue you.’
    â€˜You’ll
what?
Who are you?’
    â€˜None of your business. All you need to know is that I had one of your new dog biscuits and I landed in hospital. I almost choked to death because I’m allergic to peanut prawns. And now I’m going to sue you if you don’t stop making them.’
    â€˜That happened to you?’
    â€˜Yes.’
    â€˜But dog biscuits are for dogs,’ Denis Dorset said. ‘You’re not a dog, are you?’
    â€˜Yes — I mean, no. I mean, it was actually my dog that was allergic. And he can’t sue you— because he’s a dog — but I’m going to. And I’m going to tell everyone in the government and