Free Invaders from the Outer Rim by Eric Coyote, Walt Morton Page A

Grillo told Sheriff Olsen. “We’ve been married thirty-two years. We’re good Lutherans. Nothing wild about us. Suddenly she shaves all the hair off her pussy and wants me to lick it. She makes me suckle on her coochie parts.”
    Sheriff Olsen’s professionalism kept him from laughing, but he could see both men were agitated and dead serious.  
    “Jack, it’s not unheard of,” Sheriff Olsen said. “If you good ol’ boys consult the Internet you’ll find plenty of experts advising oral pleasures to spice things up, especially in a long marriage.”
    “You don’t understand, Sheriff. She said ‘he’ told her to do it. The other man,” Grillo moaned.
    Olsen blinked and took in the data. “What other man?”
    “The sneaky bastard came in the night while Jack was out bowling,” Lomax interjected.
    Olsen sat straighter, suddenly worried. He’d hate to discover a rapist preying on older married women but it would not be unheard of. Perverts lived in towns of all sizes.  
    “A burglar or a pervert?” Olsen asked.
    Grillo shook his head, unable to say more as tears came to his eyes.
    “Neither one. It was a spaceman!” Lomax yelled. “One came to my house, too.”
    Lomax was now sweating bullets and Grillo looked ready to have a stroke.
    “Spaceman?”   Olsen said. “That’s crazy talk. Listen to yourself, Bob.”  
    Grillo wiped away his tears before he spoke. “Sheriff, I’m not gonna bullshit you. I’ll say it plain. My wife’s pussy tastes like something alien was down there.”

2

    The Big Beautiful Book Club was Santa Maria’s premier ladies-only reading group. Each meeting featured a preselected pairing of books and this month the ladies were eager to discuss Lady Chatterley’s Lover and Fifty Shades of Grey . Nancy Grillo, the leader of the group, checked her notes. “Let’s start with a controversial question tonight. Does anybody think either of these books should be banned from the library?”  
    “Hell, no,” Jennifer Waters said. “Sexuality is part of nature. We can’t deny our humanity because conservative prudes get nervous when they read a steamy scene.”
    “Agreed,” Suzy Maurer said, passing around a plate of homemade kush brownies.  
    Caroline Lomax was busily mixing drinks, leveraging years spent working her way through college as a bartender. “Ladies, before we go any further, raise your hand if you think this discussion will improve with fruity cocktails.”
    “Strong fruity cocktails,” Margo Baker said, raising a hand.
    Caroline started counting hands, lining up glasses. She hoped she had enough coconut rum because the book club ladies loved booze even more than books.

    •••

    Lisa Anderson found parking on Hartnell Road. She was already late for the book club meeting but checked her lipstick in the rearview mirror nonetheless.
    “Pull yourself together,” she whispered. She was still shaking from her odd experience earlier that afternoon—an experience so bizarre she could barely imagine telling her friends. However, there was one rule at book club: keep no secrets and speak with total honesty. Although Lisa didn’t want to be seen as one of those self-absorbed women who only talk about me, me, me, she was bursting to reveal every detail of her surreal day. It was something of a moral quandary for her.
    She told herself, “You go, girl.”  
    Then she climbed out of the car and walked up to Suzy’s house.
    “Sorry I’m late,” Lisa announced, throwing open the door.
    Caroline teased, “You didn’t miss anything except the first round of cocktails.”
    But then Caroline looked more closely and noticed Lisa’s condition: red-faced, sweaty, and disheveled.
    “Honey, what’s wrong? Are you okay? You look so frazzled,” Caroline said. Now all eyes in the room shifted to Lisa. She felt the women curiously studying her.
    Like all the other women in the book club, Lisa was middle-aged and overweight. After college, she put on a few extra