Free Paula Spencer by Roddy Doyle

anything?
    —And you did.
    —What? Hit you?
    Leanne nods. Like a headbutt. Her bottom lip is in her teeth.
    —When did I?
    —When you were drunk.
    She has her; there's no answer.
    —You've no fuckin' right to lecture me, says Leanne.
    —I know.
    —You've no right.
    —I know.
    —Just, fuck off.
    Why should she listen to that? When you were drunk. Why should she have to listen?
    If one of them would cry now —
    —Is Jack upstairs?
    —What?
    —Jack. I don't want him to hear this.
    —Who fuckin' started it? Accusing me. Of being like you. You.
    —Stop, Leanne.
    —'Cos Jack will hear? Poor Jack. Jack, Jack, it's always fuckin' Jack!
    Leanne loves Jack. She always looked after him for Paula. His little mammy. Paula always called her that and she'd loved it.
    Leanne's hands are rolling over each other. Her nails are digging into skin.
    —What do you know about me? she says. —What do you fuckin' care?
    —You know I —
    —I know nothing. Except that you haven't a fuckin' clue. I know that much. And it's more than you fuckin' know. And then you want to tell me I'm an alcoholic?
    —And that gives you the right to hit me?
    —I'm an alcoholic? Join the fuckin' club. Have a drink, Leanne.
    —I never did that, says Paula.
    —What?
    —I never made you drink with me.
    —Well, take a bow. Saint Paula of the alcos. She never made us drink with her.
    —Ah, shut up, Leanne.
    She could kill the little bitch. Paula's proud of how far she's come. But Leanne is mocking her and it seems so stupid. I never made her drink with me. Come up and get your medal. She wants to drink – her head is hopping. She'd break the bottle over Leanne's head. And the little cunt drones on.
    —She made us go to school hungry, she made us wear clothes so that other kids threw twopences at us.
    —Shut up.
    —She made people move away from us when we sat down in the back of the church because we were late. For my Holy Communion. Because she couldn't get up on time, even though I tried to get you up and even brought you up a cup of tea and got a stain on my dress because of it.
    Leanne is giving it all to her. And Paula just wants to slap her. What about now? she wants to yell. What about now? I'm sick of feeling guilty.
    Leanne's still at it. Shifting her weight from foot to foot. It's only her hips are moving. And her mouth.
    Paula's not listening. Get over it! she wants to yell. Grow up and get out of my house. If it's all that fuckin' bad. Get the fuck out, so I don't have to face you every day and feel guilty all over again.
    She knows what her life has been like and what she's had to do to stay alive. And this bitch is kicking away at it, with her stampy little feet.
    She's gone. She's not even in the kitchen.
    Paula's alone.
    It's three in the morning. Three minutes after. Has Leanne been yelling at her for an hour? It's not impossible.
    I never made you drink with me.
    Pathetic. If that's all she could use to defend herself. When she finally had the chance to take her punishment and listen, then admit and ask forgiveness; all the conversations she's dreamed about and planned. But all she could say was that. I never.
    So.
    What's the point?
    She won't sit down.
    It's all so fuckin' dreadful. She doesn't know what to do. Can she even go to bed? The charge of a drink, the sprint to her head and pain – she'd love it. With ice from the freezer. She'd do it in style. She can taste it – she doesn't need to remember. Then she'd lie down.
    But there's nothing in the house. She remembers throwing out the last bottle. Actually, she just dropped it over the back wall. Into someone's garden. It used to be Kellys' but there are other people there now. She doesn't know who. She hasn't seen them. Leanne probably has a bottle hidden. There's a charming thought. Two hours ago she'd have been upset. Now she wants the bottle. They can fight for it and reconcile, in the spill and broken glass.
    She's not going to drink. She knows. Even if she found a