Free Out of Heaven's Grasp by V.J. Chambers Page A

that, technically, my father was the head of the family, and so he owned everything that his wives or children owned. But I also knew that according to the laws of the world, that truck was mine. And since they’d kicked me out of the community, those were the laws I was going to follow.
    I was going to get my truck, and then I was going to get Abby. There was no reason for her to stay there. She could come with me. We could be together, like we wanted.
    So I turned around and began walking back toward the community.
    * * *
    Abby
    Nothing felt real.
    Whenever I tried to wrap my head around what was going to happen, I couldn’t quite believe it.
    I’d always known that I had no say over who I would marry, but somewhere deep down, I’d always believed it when they said that God told the elders who the right person was for each girl.
    Now… I wasn’t sure.
    I didn’t want to marry Bob Carroll. Even though he’d been nice to me when I was a little girl, I’d never thought of him as marrying material. I’d thought of him like an old, kind uncle. To think that I was going to be tied to him for the rest of my life, that I was going to have his children, that the rest of my entire life was already decided…
    It didn’t feel real.
    I staggered through the rest of the day. My mothers all got in on the activity of making the wedding dress, and I stood there while they cut up fabric and pinned it around me.
    They asked my opinions on various things. Did I want a high waist? Did I want lace trim on the end of my dress?
    I couldn’t manage to have an opinion, so I just shrugged and said in a quiet voice, “Whatever you think is best.”
    Sometimes, someone would tell me to smile. I did my best.
    What was so surreal about everything was that the world was moving forward in a seemingly normal way. But I felt as if all the color had drained out of my surroundings. I felt as if all my sensations had dulled. It seemed like everything around me was working perfectly, but that I was somehow damaged in some way.
    I felt like the world should stop working too.
    But it didn’t.
    At dinner that night, I couldn’t eat. I tried, but all the food tasted like cardboard, and my stomach seemed closed off.
    Afterward, I made excuses and said I was going to bed. I was lucky enough to have my own room now, since my two older sisters, who I used to share it with, had both gotten married and left home. I was glad of the privacy, but once in my room, I didn’t want to go to sleep.
    This was my last night of freedom, and I didn’t want to waste it.
    I sat up on my bed, looking around at all of my things. I didn’t have much that I really called my own, I realized. Some clothes. My guitar. I would disappear from this house, and it wouldn’t even make any difference. Life would go on here, same as always. I’d seen it after my sisters left. There were so many people in my family, that none of us were really anything special. We were just more hungry mouths, more labor for the farm. At that moment, I felt worthless. I’d never had any potential, I realized. I was always destined to marry a man, cook, and make babies. That was it.
    I stared at my guitar and thought of my dream to play in front of huge groups of people, to hear them clap for me and tell me that I was special.
    That was a stupid dream. I should have known better. I wasn’t special. Besides, wanting to be elevated above others was a sin. I was meant to be humble. To be submissive.
    I flung myself back on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. “I can’t do it,” I whispered. “Please don’t make me do it.”
    And then… almost as if an answer was coming to me from Heaven, I heard the words of Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane. Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me .
    I shut my eyes and took a shuddering breath. Jesus had faced death for me. He had gone through a horrible ordeal on the cross, dying for my sins. In comparison to that, marrying Bob Carroll wasn’t