Free Time to Pay by Lyndon Stacey

won. They do a wonderful job, as Gideon knows. Do you still help out there, Gideon?’
    â€˜Yeah. Actually, I’m due there again tomorrow. Thanks, Giles,’ he added as a coffee appeared at his elbow. ‘But Damien was right about Nero. He might have been bred for the flat but he jumps like a stag. I’ve never seen anything like it. I know Damien hoped he might be a Grand National horse.’
    â€˜Yes, he did, and it’s probably silly, but I feel if I could make something of him, I’d be doing it for Damien. Does that sound daft?’
    They assured her that it didn’t, and Gideon wondered who she’d get to jockey him. Brilliantor not, Nero was never going to be everybody’s horse.
    By the time Tilly got up to leave, the best part of another half-hour had passed and Gideon thought she looked a lot more relaxed than she had when she’d arrived. In the main, he felt this was probably due to having shared some of her worries with someone outside her immediate family, but also, he sometimes wondered, fancifully, if the old house didn’t have some kind of healing quality about it. It was as though, within its walls, one was enveloped in a warm, comforting cocoon; as if the outside world could somehow be kept at bay for a few precious moments.
    Pippa had been called away to the phone, so Gideon walked Tilly out to the horsebox, accompanied by four of the five dogs. Nero was looking over his half door, shifting restlessly and tossing his head.
    â€˜Goodbye, lad. Be good,’ Tilly called. Then to Gideon, ‘You’ll find a folder in the bottom of the bag with the rugs and stuff in. Damien keeps – kept – notes on all the horses. You know the sort of thing. What they’re eating, what work they’re doing, which items of tack we’ve tried, which fitness regime, veterinary notes – the lot. A complete history. I thought it might be useful, though I expect you know most of it.’
    Gideon
had
been through most of it with Damien, but he thanked her, nevertheless.
    They stopped by the lorry, and Tilly turned, running her fingers through her long blonde hair and looking up at him with a measure of desperation.
    â€˜Oh, Gideon, I keep thinking when this is over we’ll get back to normal. And I find I’m including Damien in that; as if this is just a temporary thing and he’ll somehow be back. But then I remember it’s never going to be over, and I get such a sudden rush of panic and fear that I don’t feel I can cope. I just don’t know how I can bear it . . .’ Her blue eyes scanned his face, as if hoping to find the answer there. ‘I mean, it’s bad enough losing your brother, but when he’s your business partner, too . . .There seems to be no part of the day when I’m not reminded of him. Whenever I have to make a decision about anything in the yard, I find myself thinking I must check that with Damien. The lads are depressed – though they’ve been very supportive – and even some of the horses seem a bit below par; I think they pick up on the general atmosphere. And of course, Damien had a way with them.’
    â€˜Yes, he did,’ Gideon agreed. ‘Look, Tilly – I don’t know what I can say that you haven’t heard before, but the reason you’ll have heard it before is because it’s true. It’ll take time, but you
will
get through it, you know. I’m fairly sure that the panic is normal. Just take one day at a time and – whatever happens – don’t forget you’ve got friends here who really want to help. We’re not just saying that; we mean it, OK?’
    â€˜Thanks.’ Tilly managed a smile as she swung herself up into the cab. ‘And thanks for taking Nero off my hands. I’ll be in touch, but if you want to know anything, just give me a ring.’
    â€˜Will do. And Tilly . . . Damien would have