Free Maternal Harbor by Marie F. Martin Page A

anesthesiologist spoke from behind her, “We’re doing an epidural.”  A burning stung her lower back.  An oxygen mask was placed over her face as her legs grew heavy.  She tried unsuccessfully to wiggle her toes.  Only her head and hands moved.
    They controlled her!  The scream died in her throat.  She controlled that.
    Erica tried to make sense of where she was, but only caught sensations of bright lights shining off stainless steel, hushed voices, the beeps of monitors, and the blurred motion of nurses.
    Suddenly an alarm shrilled.
    “We lost the fetal heart rate!”
    “ OK people, we need to cut – NOW,” Dr. Klassen declared.  “Where the hell is the neonatologist?  I asked for one ten minutes ago!”
    Erica watched as a brown liquid was squirted on her bulging abdomen.  Then green sheets blocked her view.  “What’s happening?  Is something wrong?” 
    Dr. Klassen’s authoritative voice carried to her.  “Erica, I just made an incision in your abdomen and have opened your uterus.  There, the placenta is cut and your baby is exposed.  He is out!”
    His words stopped.
    Then Dr. Klassen said, “I’ve severed the umbilical cord.”
    Erica strained to see.
    Another doctor rushed into the room, disappeared behind the concealing sheet, and reappeared, carrying the blood-smeared, motionless, blue baby.
    Was that Derek ?
    “ Can’t be,” Erica moaned.  “Can’t be.”
      The neonatologist suctioned the tiny mouth and inserted an airway as a nurse started gentle rapid chest compressions.  A second nurse squeezed a plastic bag forcing oxygen into the baby’s lungs as the doctor inserted a small tube into a vessel in the umbilical cord and injected drugs.
    Something was missing.  “Why isn’t Derek crying?”  Erica thrashed her head, trying to get to him, but her damned legs wouldn’t budge.
    “I have to sew you up,” Dr. Klassen said softly from somewhere beyond the disgusting green sheet. 
    “ Answer me!”
    “ Calm down and let me finish,” Dr. Klassen said firmly.  “We’ll talk when I’m done.”  He turned to the anesthesiologist, “How about some Versed.”
    Forty-five minutes later the labor room hung with a quietness felt only by the death of a newborn.  No matter how many infants slipped away without living, they left their mark in sadness.  Dr. Klassen finished suturing Erica and nodded to the nurse that he was done.  The nurse lowered Erica’s legs from the stirrups and covered her.  The doctor by the bassinet finally shook his head and disconnected the breathing tube from the bag.  Another nurse gently cleaned the baby with a damp washcloth and covered him with a blue blanket.
     
    “ Where’s my baby?”  Erica mumbled, coming out of the anesthetic.  “I want to see Derek!”  No one answered.  She tried to see the nurses, but everything was different.  She lay in a hospital room, in bed, and covered with warmed blankets.
    Florene silently pumped the blood pressure cuff.
    Erica wanted to kick her for not answering, but her legs still wouldn’t budge.  She struggled to move.
    Florene stroked Erica’s dead leg.  “Dr. Klassen is on his way.”
    “No one in this damned hospital knows how to answer a simple question.”  Erica turned her head and stared at the door.
    Dr. Klassen entered and leaned down so he was speaking near Erica’s ear.  “Erica, I’m terribly sorry.  Your baby couldn’t breathe on his own.”
    “No!”  Erica pushed at him, clawed at him.
    “ Ten milligrams of Valium,” Dr. Klassen said to the nurse and then grabbed Erica’s shoulders, shaking them slightly.  “You must comprehend.  Remember when we talked about your elevated gonadotropin?”
    “ You told me the risk level was very low.”  Her words spat vehemence.
    “ Less than two out of a thousand have problems.”
    “ You should’ve done something!”  A double thought flickered for an instant.  Missed doctor appointments and Mrs. Green’s dry