Free Rosshalde by Hermann Hesse

that moment. Now he saw deep into the dark spring from which Johann’s soul drew the strength and suffering in which it was steeped. And at the same time he felt a deep, joyous consolation at the fact that it was he, the old friend, to whom the sufferer had bared himself, whom he had accused, and whom he had begged for help.
    Veraguth seemed to have forgotten what he had said. He rested appeased like a child after a tantrum, and finally he said in a clear voice: “You have no luck with me this time. It’s all because I haven’t been doing my daily work. My nerves are off kilter. Good times don’t agree with me.”
    And when Burkhardt tried to prevent him from opening the second bottle, he said: “I couldn’t sleep now anyway. God knows what makes me so nervous. Well, let’s just tipple a bit, you weren’t so priggish in the old days. —Oh, you mean because of my nerves. I’ll straighten them out all right, I’ve had plenty of experience at that. In the next few days I’ll start work every morning at six and every evening I’ll ride for an hour.”
    And so the friends remained together until midnight. Johann talked, turning over memories from the old days, Otto listened, and with almost reluctant pleasure saw a smooth, calm, cheerfully mirroring surface close over the dark depths that had gaped before him only a little while before.

Chapter Six
    I T WAS NOT WITHOUT UNEASINESS that Burkhardt went to see the painter in the morning. He expected to find his friend changed and feared that his agitation of the night before would have given way to cool irony and embarrassment. Instead, Johann came to meet him with quiet gravity.
    â€œSo you’re leaving tomorrow,” he said. “I understand. And thank you for everything. You know, I haven’t forgotten about last night; we shall have to talk some more.”
    Otto consented, though he had his doubts. “If you like; but I don’t want to upset you again for nothing. Maybe we opened up too many wounds last night. Why did we have to wait till the last moment!”
    They ate breakfast in the studio.
    â€œNo, we did the right thing,” said Johann firmly. “Exactly the right thing. I’ve had a sleepless night and mulled the whole thing over. You opened up a good many wounds, it was almost more than I could bear. Remember, I’ve had no one to talk to for years. But now I’ve got to straighten everything out and do what has to be done, or I really am the coward you called me last night.”
    â€œOh, did that hurt? Forget it.”
    â€œNo, you were almost right, I think. Today I’d like to have one more good happy day with you, we’ll go for a drive this afternoon and I’ll show you a beautiful piece of country. But first we’ve got to straighten things out a bit. Yesterday it all came down on me so suddenly that I lost my head. But today I’ve thought it all over. I think I understand now what you were trying to tell me yesterday.”
    His manner of speaking was so calm and friendly that Burkhardt’s misgivings were dispelled.
    â€œIf you understood me, everything is all right and there’s no need to start all over from the beginning. You told me how it all came about and how things stand now. Now I see that your only reason for going on with your marriage and household and your whole mode of life is that you don’t want to part with Pierre. Am I right?”
    â€œYes, exactly.”
    â€œWell, how do you see the future? I believe you intimated last night that you fear to lose Pierre too in time. Or am I mistaken?”
    Veraguth sighed heavily and raised his hand to his forehead; but he continued in the same tone: “That may be so. That’s the sore point. Then you think I ought to give the boy up?”
    â€œYes, I do. Your wife isn’t likely to let you have him and it will cost you years of struggle.”
    â€œThat may be.