Free Hamish X and the Cheese Pirates by Sean Cullen

appreciate that. It’s a lonely job, being hated, but someone has to do it. I haven’t managed to accumulate great wealth and prestige in the world of dairy science by being a nice guy.”
    â€œYou certainly haven’t, Master Viggo.”
    Viggo glared at him.
    â€œBut you aren’t without your nice qualities, Master Viggo,” Hammerface backtracked and was rewarded with a softening of the glare.
    â€œIndeed,” Viggo said suddenly, “I will address the problem of morale at the evening meal. And the issue of the missing cheese. Now, go back to your duties.”
    Hammerface gratefully backed out of the room, bowing and wringing his hat in his scarred hands. Unfortunately, backing out of Viggo’s office is ill-advised, situated as it is at the top of a steep staircase. He stepped backwards, missed his footing, and bounced end over end down theseventy-two steps to the factory floor. 41 Pianoface and Tubaface hurried to help their fallen comrade.
    Viggo closed the door and gazed out the window over the leaning rooftops of Windcity. Somewhere out there, a gang of Cheese Pirates waited to pounce. He shivered in his cozily heated office then turned his gaze to the factory floor below, seeking out Hamish X. The boy was carving the flabby curds, a bright smile on his face. While Viggo watched, the lad turned and looked up at him and winked.
    â€œEverything was going fine until you came along, Hamish X.” Viggo smiled a nasty smile. “I think it’s time I put you in your place.”

Chapter 10
    The children stood waiting in the cafeteria, shuffling their feet nervously. In hushed voices they discussed the reason for the assembly. No one could remember a meeting where both work details were present at the same time. “What’s goin’ on?” Mimi asked as they joined the crowd. The shift had just ended when the guards had come through the dormitory demanding that everyone from both shifts assemble.
    â€œI’m completely baffled, I assure you,” Parveen shrugged.
    â€œWho knows?” Hamish X said. “Maybe we’re going to get a day off?”
    â€œIn your dreams,” Mimi scoffed. They took their place in the back row.
    And there they stood for almost half an hour before Viggo appeared. He stalked in from the factory floor through the big double doors, elbowed his way through the waiting children, and climbed onto a chair, held steady by Pianoface and Tubaface. (Hammerface was in bed recovering from several fractures.) Viggo turned and faced his orphan workforce.
    â€œI’m sure you’re all wondering why I’ve called this meeting,” he began, running a hand absently through his hair and making it stand up on end even more strangely than usual. “It certainly isn’t to praise your work habits, which are slovenly and inefficient. Rather, it is a matter of security. Not that I think any of you could ever escape …” He glared meaningfully at Hamish X. “Escapeis impossible. Escape is IMPOSSIBLE. Let me reiterate that phrase: ESCAPE IS IMPOSSIBLE!”
    Hamish X raised his hand.
    â€œWhat is it?” Viggo barked.
    â€œI was just wondering … Is escape possible?”
    â€œNO!” Viggo shrieked at Hamish X. Hamish X smiled back. Viggo regained his composure with effort.
    â€œOver the past few months, the world cheese community has been the subject of an ongoing campaign of terror perpetrated by a dastardly group of lawless brigands. According to eyewitness accounts, these ‘Cheese Pirates,’ as they style themselves, have attacked cheese-making facilities all over the world. They strike in the dead of night! They steal and burn and loot. They take all the valuable cheese and disappear before the authorities can arrive to deal with them.
    â€œThe World Dairy Organization has instructed me to be on high alert for the appearance of these marauders. I have assured the Organization that I will