Free Something to Believe In by Kimberly Van Meter

But I’m good with just screwing around if that’s
your thing. Trust me, I’m more than good with that.”
    And he was lying through his ever-loving teeth.
    Hopefully, she couldn’t tell that, too.
    “So, where’s that place to eat? I’m starved.”
    * * *
    L ILAH FELT THE MOOD CHANGE as if it were a physical thing and guilt nagged at her.
Wasn’t it better to be honest? Well, you’re not exactly
being totally honest, now are you? A snarky voice countered to her
exasperated self. No, she supposed she wasn’t. But she’d rather preserve the
illusion that she was pushing him away for superficial reasons rather than
because she was reluctant to share her dirty little secret. She could only
imagine how that adoring light in his eyes would dim if she were to tell him
what she’d done only a few short months ago. She heard Dr. Veronica’s voice in
her head, advising her to abstain from any deep romantic attachments while still
healing emotionally and her resolve strengthened by a grim notch. This was
better...no attachments. He would leave St. John with great memories and she’d
go on with her life, healing and growing.
    It was the sensible, responsible thing to do. Dr. Veronica
would approve.
    So, why did Lilah feel a lead weight in her chest?
    Did she feel this way organically? Or was it a product of her
depression? She worried her lip without thought but Justin caught the telling
motion.
    “Why are you pushing me away? Something’s wrong. I can feel it.
I know we haven’t known each other long but...whatever it is, you can tell me.
You can trust me.”
    Trust me.
    The words hung heavy and obtrusive between them, an elephant in
a crowded room.
    I’m not supposed to date.
    I tried to kill myself.
    She opened her mouth but the words died in her throat. She
couldn’t tell him that. He was a stranger and as a stranger wasn’t burdened by
the knowledge of her recent past. To him, she was simply a normal, perhaps
slightly enigmatic, girl.
    And she wanted to keep it that way.
    Lilah sent a blinding smile his way, concealing the odd pang in
her heart at shutting him out, and said, “You see things that aren’t there. And
this conversation is way too serious for such a wonderful day. Let’s keep it
light, okay?” She didn’t wait for him to agree and simply popped from the Jeep
toward the restaurant. “You coming? Best johnnycakes around St. John. I promise
you’ll love it. Come on, slowpoke.” She cast one last look Justin’s way and saw
him exiting the car, a perplexed expression lingering behind the easy smile she
was beginning to suspect was his defense, just as walking away was hers.

CHAPTER NINE
    B Y THE TIME L ILAH AND J USTIN had suffered
through a painfully awkward and tense lunch and a quiet drive back to Larimar,
Lilah was more than ready to escape to her room, but as Justin left her with a
flip goodbye Lora waylaid her in the foyer.
    Lilah tried not to let her gaze follow Justin as he disappeared
from the main lobby but it was as if her eyes were locked on target and wouldn’t
let go until he was out of sight. When she reluctantly dragged her stare back to
Lora, it was then she realized Lora was hardly ever behind the reception desk.
“What are you doing? Where’s Celly?” she asked.
    Lora’s jaw tensed in a subtle manner as she answered. “Celly
has quit, which is probably for the best. She wasn’t a very good fit here at
Larimar and I’ve been trying to find someone to replace her for quite a
while.”
    Lilah’s eyes bugged and she shook her head as if Lora’s
statement didn’t make sense, because frankly, it didn’t. “Celly wouldn’t quit,”
she stated flatly. “What did you do? Did you fire her?”
    “Of course not,” Lora shot back. “Don’t put this one on me. She
quit of her own accord. Just ask Heath.”
    “I will,” Lilah said, her ears becoming hot as something close
to anger and panic coalesced into a toxic mess inside her. “What happened?”
    Lora didn’t look