Free Billionaire Boy by David Walliams

truth is, we’re stupidly rich. But when people find out… it tends to ruin everything.”
    “You know what, some of the other kids told me this morning,” said Lauren.
    Joe’s sadness lifted for a moment. He reminded himself that Lauren had still gone for an ice lolly with him yesterday when she thought he was just Joe. Maybe it wouldn’t ruin things this time. “Why didn’t you say anything?” he asked.
    “Because it doesn’t matter. I don’t care about all that. I just like you,” she said.
    Joe was so happy he wanted to cry. It’s strange how sometimes you can be so happy it goes all the way around to sadness. “I really like you too.”
    Joe moved closer to Lauren. This was the moment to kiss! He closed his eyes and pushed his lips together.

    “Not here in the playground, Joe!” Lauren pushed him away laughing.
    Joe felt embarrassed he had even tried. “I’m sorry.” He quickly changed the subject. “I was just trying to do something kind for that old bag, and she goes and gets her knockers done!”
    “I know, it’s unbelievable.”
    “It’s not the money, I don’t care about the money…”
    “No, it’s that she took your generosity for granted,” offered Lauren.
    Joe looked up to meet her gaze. “Exactly!”
    “Come on,” said Lauren. “I think what you need is some chips. I’ll buy you some.”
    The local chippy was bursting with kids from the comprehensive. It was against the rules to leave the school premises at lunchtime, but the food in the canteen was so abhorrent there wasn’t much choice. The Grubbs were at the front of the queue, but fled as soon as they saw Lauren, leaving their battered sausages sizzling on the counter.
    The pair stood outside on the pavement and ate their chips. Joe couldn’t remember the last time he had enjoyed such a simple pleasure. It must have been when he was really, really little. Before the Bumfresh billions came and changed everything. Joe wolfed his chips down, and noticed Lauren had barely touched hers. He was still hungry, but wasn’t sure whether their relationship had advanced to the point where he could start helping himself to her food. That was normally after a few years of marriage, and they weren’t even engaged yet.
    “Have you finished with yours?” he ventured.
    “Yes,” she replied. “I don’t want to eat too much. I am working next week.”
    “Working? Doing what?” said Joe.
    Lauren suddenly looked very flustered. “What did I say?”
    “I thought you said you were working.”
    “Yeah yeah yeah, I am working.” She paused, and then took a breath. “Just in a shop…”
    Joe wasn’t convinced. “So why would you need to be thin to work in a shop?”
    Lauren looked uncomfortable. “It’s a very narrow shop,” she said. She checked her watch. “We’ve got double Maths in ten minutes. We’d better go.”
    Joe frowned. There was something strange going on here…

Chapter 16
Peter Bread
    “The Witch is dead!” sang a spotty little boy. “Ding-dong, the wicked witch is dead!” It wasn’t even registration time yet, but already the news was spreading across the school like flu.
    “What do you mean?” asked Joe as he took his seat in his classroom. On the other side of the class, he could see Bob, looking over at him with a pained expression. Probably jealous about Lauren , thought Joe.
    “Haven’t you heard?” said another even spottier little boy behind him. “Spite’s been sacked!”
    “Why?” asked Joe.
    “Who cares?!” said a slightly less spotty boy. “No more boring History lessons!”
    Joe smiled, then frowned. He hated Miss Spite and her tedious lessons like everybody else, but wasn’t sure she had done anything to deserve losing her job. Even though she was horrible, she was actually a good teacher.
    “Spite’s been sacked,” blurted Joe to Lauren as she walked in.
    “Yes, I heard,” she replied. “It’s brilliant news, isn’t it?”
    “Erm, well, I suppose so,” said