Free Hot Water by Sir P G Wodehouse

see, his whole position rests on the fact that he is a Dry leader, and if this letter is printed in the papers he will be sunk. There are millions of people who have always voted for Father because they believed he was strict lemonade, and if they knew of this they would simply tie a can to him. So that's what Father's up against, and maybe you'll say it isn't plenty.'
    'It's quite enough,' agreed Packy. 'Yes, I should say "plenty" is about the right word.'
    Squeakings broke out once more at the other end of the wire.
    'Stop it!' said Packy.
    'Stop what?'
    'Stop going on like a basketful of puppies.'
    'Was I?'
    'You were.'
    'Well, I'm excited.'
    'So am I. But hark how beautifully I articulate.'
    'Well, listen.'
    There was a pause. Stern self-discipline seemed to be in progress once more.
    'This is the interesting part,' said Jane, becoming calmer.
    'It can't be more interesting than Act One.'
    'Yes, it is. You see, when Father told me all this, I suddenly saw that here was where I got the chance to put in a little smooth work. It took a bit of doing, as you would understand if you had seen Father standing there with his face bright mauve and telling me all the things he would like to do to Mrs Gedge, which included skinning and poisoning her soup. I mean, you sort of got the impression that he'd had already about as much as he could endure. But I thought of Blair and how much I loved him and I shut my eyes and came through. I told him that I was secretly engaged to a wonderful man, only he hadn't any money.'
    'Did you mention that he was at present acting as your father's valet?'
    'No. I thought it wouldn't be wise.'
    'Quite right.'
    'That sort of thing wants breaking gently.'
    'Very gently.'
    'So I simply told him I was engaged to a wonderful man, and I said, "Suppose I manage somehow to get back this letter from Mrs Gedge will you consent to our marriage?" And Father said that if I got that letter back I could marry the iceman if I wanted to and he would come and dance at the wedding.'
    'Fair enough.'
    'So that's how things stand at present. Mrs Gedge won't be back at St Rocque for a few days, but we're all going over to-morrow, as arranged. When she arrives, we can start doing something.'
    'What?'
    'Well, whatever we can think of.'
    'Have you thought of anything yet?'
    'No.'
    'Have you told all this to Eggleston?'
    'Of course.'
    'What does he think of it?'
    There was a shade of hesitation in Jane's voice.
    'Well, he seems interested. But the trouble with Blair is that, having this great brain of his, he's rather a little too much the artistic, dreamy type, and what one really needs in a situation like this is a man of action and resource. I mean, when I asked Blair if he had any proposition to put forward that might lead to bringing home the bacon, he just tugged at his moustache and looked goofy and said he hadn't. However, he's going to start thinking, so something may break any moment. And I hope to goodness it does, because apart from being sorry for poor Father and wanting to get him out of a spot, how splendid it would be if Blair and I did this wonderful thing for him and Father said "Bless you, my children!" Gosh darn it, I should be the happiest girl in the world. Well, good-bye, Mr Franklyn, I must rush. I'm supposed to be dressing for dinner. Only I thought you would like to know all about what's happened. Good-bye.'
    There was a click. Jane had hung up.
     
    For several minutes after he had finished listening to this story, so vibrant with a young girl's hopes and fears, Packy remained standing at the telephone, staring before him. His appearance was that of a man in a trance. Pins could have been stuck into him and he would scarcely have observed them.
    Then, abruptly, a sort of whinnying groan escaped him. If he had chafed before at the prospect of being cooped up in London, he chafed more than ever now. He felt as he had sometimes felt at prize-fights when a wall of uprising citizenry suddenly intruded itself